Have Faith.

2011-12-28T00:57:00.000+11:00

so glad i had this boy detox LOL will continue this post later... maybe... LOL hopefully by the end of the year D:

boredom gets boring

2011-12-11T22:09:00.000+11:00

oh would you look at that, blogspot has changed a little

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
usually one is open out of the three
2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
HELL TO THE YES
3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
i prefer tucked but i dont ever make my bed LOL
4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
nope
5: Do you like to use post-it notes?
yes a lot LOL
6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
... yes LOL
7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
swarm of bees
8: Do you have freckles?
a little
9: Do you always smile for pictures?
most of the time yes :'D
10: What is your biggest pet peeve?
complaining non-stop
11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
hardly ever
12: Have you ever peed in the woods?
yes
13: What about pooped in the woods?
probably LOL
14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?
yes quite often
15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?
no, never
16: How many people have you slept with this week?
so many, lost count.... jokes
17: What size is your bed?
king single
18: What is your Song of the week?
what are words
19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
of course
20: Do you still watch cartoons?
yep
21: Whats your least favorite movie?
i appreciate all movies D:
22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
in my backyard (im not that creative)
23: What do you drink with dinner?
i dont drink during dinner, actually i rarely drink ever
24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
human blood (or sweet and sour sauce... or tomato/bbq)
25: What is your favorite food?
now youve got me thinking about chicken nuggets LOL
26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
not many (if any)
27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?
family
28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
nah
29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
depends on how much, which magazine, whether i liked my body
30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
last night, but they will never get the letter :L
31: Can you change the oil on a car?
yeh
32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
no
33: Ever ran out of gas?
my mum has whilst i was in the car
34: Favorite kind of sandwich?
with sausages inside! =9
35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?
pancakes!
36: What is your usual bedtime?
fluctuates from 10pm-4am
37: Are you lazy?
yes
38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
never did
39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?
dog
40: How many languages can you speak?
2 fluently
41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
no
42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
what are lincoln logs? i'll just say legos LOL
43: Are you stubborn?
i wouldnt think so
44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
leno, hes got the chin LOL but theyre both so funny :(
45: Ever watch soap operas?
nope
46: Are you afraid of heights?
used to be, not anymore
47: Do you sing in the car?
nah
48: Do you sing in the shower?
nope
49: Do you dance in the car?
no
50: Ever used a gun?
nope but i will use one next year!! :DD
51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
errr.... does passport photos count? if so, late 2008
52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?
yes :D
53: Is Christmas stressful?
no
54: Ever eat a pierogi?
nope
55: Favorite type of fruit pie?
apple
56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
ballerina, teacher, scientist, doctor, accountant, policewoman
57: Do you believe in ghosts?
yes
58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
mhmm! :)
59: Take a vitamin daily?
only from the foods i eat!
60: Wear slippers?
nah
61: Wear a bath robe?
nope, never really understood bath robes :S
62: What do you wear to bed?
random shit LOL
63: First concert?
never been to one :( unless you call dance concerts something? LOL
64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Wal-Mart is AWESOMMEEEEE!! but kmart since we're in Oz :(
65: Nike or Adidas?
nike
66: Cheetos Or Fritos?
.... cheetos? :S
67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
PEANUTS!!!!
68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
bien reminds me of rosa HAHAHAAHAH
69: Ever take dance lessons?
ballet, tap and jazz LOL never hip hop :(
70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
same as me probably... but i have a feeling hes going to be an engineer :S
71: Can you curl your tongue?
yes
72: Ever won a spelling bee?
no, i hate english :'(
73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
yes LOL HAHAHAHA
74: Own any record albums?
nope xD
75: Own a record player?
sort of :)
76: Regularly burn incense?
nah
77: Ever been in love?
once
78: Who would you like to see in concert?
making april... i was obsessed with this band for a good 2 years... like utterly obsessed
79: What was the last concert you saw?
:'(
80: Hot tea or cold tea?
hot!
81: Tea or coffee?
tea
82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?
what are snickerdoodles? LOL so sugar!
83: Can you swim well?
well enough
84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
yes
85: Are you patient?
apparently very much so
86: DJ or band, at a wedding?
having a band is classy! but restrictive so DJ
87: Ever won a contest?
yes
88: Ever have plastic surgery?
nope
89: Which are better black or green olives?
neither :'(
90: Can you knit or crochet?
yes and yes
91: Best room for a fireplace?
living room? LOL
92: Do you want to get married?
definitely
93: If married, how long have you been married?
still waiting! :)
94: Who was your HS crush?
so many LOL
95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
probably not
96: Do you have kids?
i wish LOL
97: Do you want kids?
YES
98: Whats your favorite color?
red
99: Do you miss anyone right now?
a few

2011-11-09T12:37:00.000+11:00

"She always feels other people look down on her. They rarely do, but she constantly compares herself to others, drawing the conclusion time and time again everybody else is better, brighter, prettier, more successful, and therefore must look down on her. She dreads meeting new people because it makes her feel utterly insignificant. She dreads hanging out with friends, because she feels so boring next to them. Their lives are so full of excitement, full of crazy adventures, never a dull day. They have an amount of courage and bravery she will never attain. After every meeting, every unplanned encounter, she feels smaller, weaker, more insecure. She feels best when she is alone. When people tell her they like her, she thinks they are lying or pulling a practical joke. She believes they talk about her behind her back, that they hate hanging out with her, that they think she is not good enough, just like she thinks she is not good enough. That feeling of not being good enough always haunts her. There are days she believes that feeling will never go away. Those days she is convinced she will die without having lived, without being accepted, without being loved. The truth is she is already loved and accepted by most people she knows, but she can’t see that as long as she doesn’t feel that love and acceptance from herself first. Stranger, people don’t look down on you, you look down on yourself. Luckily, it is in your power to change the way you think about yourself."

bleh

SO MUCH HAPPINESS.

2011-10-04T02:13:00.001+11:00

just had one of the most amazing nights talking to a bunch of HAHS 2011 kids...

This is the best feeling in the world <3

I love you guys so much, this is so amazing!

Honeymoon stage, where you at?

2011-08-30T00:15:00.001+10:00

You probably read this or you'll read this when its too late. We argue over stupid things. Like really really stupid. Its usually you make a small wrong step and I usually make it a big deal because I'm honest with how I feel about shit. Then things get worse while you put your defense up as do I and we end up just arguing to the point where I don't even know how it started x_x. I'm sorry I get angry at you a lot and I'm sorry I'm often sad ... I'm working on it. But i just hate how youre constantly disappointing me, bailing on me twice within 4 days... I feel like I'm sacrificing so much for you and that I'm always travelling the distance to spend time with you. I just want you to want to be with me enough to do the same. I know youre new to this whole dating scene... wtf am I even saying... we're not even dating x_x what are we? We'll probably be nothing soon (I don't mean that. Sorry.) I wish you'd take initative with something... I hate being the one always reaching out to hold your hand... it makes me feel silly and needy ... its a strange feeling. Sometimes I act mean and cold to make me feel like I don't need you either. Its stupid, its immature. I know that. It gives me a temporary satisfaction (sort of like prostitution HAHAHAHAHA WTF AMY)

You probably think I'm weird how I randomly let things go and tell you that youre cute and that I love you... yeh, that's the moment when I realise that the pain from fighting with you is worse than the pain that you gave me initially .... sigh.

I'm sorry for being stupid and making things a big deal all the freaking time... I'm not always like this >< I just get scared that you'll leave. Even though ironically, I push you away. I'm such a girl.

stole from tumblr.... LOL IM SO BORED

2011-08-24T13:09:00.002+10:00

Tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?

hes really sweet :$ heheheeheheheheehehhehehiuwehfhguwenfhweuih

What on your body is hurting or bothering you?

bother me on a superficial, insecure level? many things

What was your last thought before going to bed last night?

TRIALS RESULTS D=

What are you listening to?

my dad talking :L

What’s something you’re not looking forward to?

getting trial results back tomorrow :(

Where do you think your best friend is right now?

home :)

Have you kissed anybody in the last 5 days?

hehehe yes on the cheek :$

Sex on the first date?

nahhhhhhh

Kiss on the first date?

depends on if you know the person beforehand and stuff :D

Is there one person you want to be with right now?

yes :)

Are you seriously happy with where you are in life?

i am actually!

Is there something you would like to say to someone?

i love you :D HAHAHAH

What are three things you did today?

went to school to celebrate someone's birthday, got caked in the face by jenny and lisa LOL and i read through all my contracts (because im boss)

Would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?

sleep at a friends LOL

What is your favorite kind of gum?

gum isnt really my thing... hehehe

Are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?

yep

What is on your wrists right now?

friendship bracelet :D <3 lizzie

Ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?

of course :D

Does anyone have strong feelings for you?

you'd have to ask him :$

Are you slowly drifting away from someone?

i imagine so

Have you ever wasted your time on someone?

i think so

Can you do the alphabet in sign language?

yes i can

How have you felt today?

i feel pretty happy :) lets see if it'll last the night HAHAHA

You receive $60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?

invveesssttttttt... i.e. id spend it on buy proportions of companies 8D

What is wrong with you right now?

... WHATS WRONG WITH YOU

Is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?

yehhh... sometimes

Would you rather have Starbucks or Jamba Juice right now?

jamba juice :D because i dont drink coffee :P

Why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?

i was never 'in love' but i dont like him now because shit happens :)

How late did you stay up last night and why?

12:30ish, because i was youtubing heaps

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

today :)

What were you doing an hour ago?

i was on the train

What are you looking forward to in the next month?

formal! :)

Are you wearing jeans right now?

nah

Are you a patient person?

usually yes, but sometimes i lose it as well :)

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?

yes, easily

Favorite color?

red :)

Did you have a dream last night?

yep

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

shorts... school shorts LOL :)

If someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?

hi leslie :)

Do you love anyone who is not related to you?

i love my friends :)

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?

yes, unless it causes shit to happen =X but i would want them to tell me sooner or later

Do you like meeting new people?

i do most of the time :)

Are you afraid of falling in love?

not particularly... but yes at the same time

Ever liked someone older than you?

i like someone whos older than me right now :L

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?

yes LOL

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?

of course D:

Im sorry.

2011-08-21T01:55:00.001+10:00

I'm a really bad girlfriend/lover/significant other/person to you and I'm sorry... I get swept up in my insecurities that I lose control and assume the worst of you. I hope you fall in love with me one day because I'm telling you now, it exists. I wish I could convince you or that you'd trust me enough to have faith in it. I want to trust you but I don't want to be that idiot like every other time who falls for the wrong guy who feeds you lies then cheats on you... I don't want that but I'm obliged to feel that most guys do it :( and I'm sorry that they continue to fuck things up, even after they're gone. But I am trying to trust you with everything I have but it's going to take a while... you make me so emotionally weak, it's strange. I don't like it. :(

So tired, can't keep my eyes open... sigh finish venting another time or never at all :L

posting from my mobile because im too angry!!

2011-08-15T01:42:00.001+10:00

Girls are full of insecurities because of dicks like you....
How could you do this to her you prick! And for what? A fun little night? 
Well you're wrong, she's beyond amazing and that night is going to be your biggest mistake because I know she's going to be just fine without you :) 
. 
. 
Reminds me of my own experiences.. . To this day I can't believe it happened twice... :( 
I don't know how to describe the feeling but its makes me question why.. why am I that easy to cheat on? They turned me into a beast of pure jealousy :( 
I get jealous so easily now because of my insecurities because how they made me feel. The feeling of... not being good enough? I dunno, its a feeling I can't really put to words but its such a dramatic change from being convinced that they like you to them making out with another girl... its honestly very unexpected and a slap to the face =/ 
You go into denial then you just get really angry and then you just break down and cry... its really weird :/ But you know what... I dunno I feel like I've grown a lot from the experiences :) LMFAO SO CHEESY I don't depend on anyone for happiness and now all I need is family friends and God hehehe BUT DONT GET ME WRONG LOL I like a boy and he does make me happy :) but I can still be happy regardless of whether he likes me or not ^^ and plus, hsc is my boyfriend anyway BWAHAHAHA jk, really to flunk :) 
. 
. 
I wish I could tell you why I get jealous from you talking to other girls, but I just don't know how to tell you how I'm scared that I'm insignificant in comparison... because I feel like the new kid in your life and I feel lost in it because I don't know where I fit in your life =3 you take care of me and I like that... I was so sick of being the one taking care of others, you make me feel like you genuinely care and its a nice feeling... not saying my friends don't care! Its just they take things from a logical point of view and try to solve my problems ... but you just make me happy and let me decrypt my life myself :) but I mean ... in my books, id only call someone at midnight if I liked them or if they were upset and ... stuff =3 LOL but doesn't matter anyway :) I'm just a sore loser who's scared to trust a guy ever again LOL :$

I miss Lizzie :( she'd understand <3

tha lyfe

2011-07-15T20:43:00.003+10:00

i just wanted to tell you, that im really scared about the HSC...

i hate myself so much right now for wasting away my holiday so stupidly

should have studied more...

studied a little but it doesnt feel like its enough

but i guess it never feels like enough

although particularly this time, i am disappointed in myself

i dont even NEED to get that high

but i know that if i dont study hard enough

and when i get my ATAR, i'll regret it

just like how i regret not studying for my school certificate...

the worst part is, i know im scared

im starting to get into stress mode

which means more PMS and breakdowns... fml x_x

and even though i know that im stressed...

im still procastinating

still spend all my time thinking about how im not trying hard enough

instead of actually trying...

i cant help it

what is life?

2011-06-02T16:40:00.003+10:00

its somewhat scary knowing somethings going on in your body
and you dont know whats happening or whats wrong
or even if there is EVEN ANYTHING WRONG AT ALL
i feel normal... i think
im not sure =\
its been like this for a while though?
so i dont know what to feel to be normal
but i think i feel normal?

the medications making me hormonal (i.e. lots of pms HAHAHAHA far out)
but thats what happens when shit goes down
actually... it will make me constipated apparently :) (sorry LOL)
so sorry if ive really edgy for the next few weeks...
but the doctor said it will be easier for me to control it after my body gets used to it
BUT TILL THEN, i have an excuse =X
so now i have to eat 93204729387 vegetables and 2343214kg of red meat xD
but i like chicken more... how sucky!

im extremely paranoid...
i researched last night all the potentials it could be...
yeh im pretty freaked
but i should know that it is probably none of those, just simply anemia
which isnt THAT bad... it can be overcome
if i just eat the right things and take what i should be taking

i feel sorry for my teachers and friends though =\
for the past few months i lack concentration
and im finding it hard to listen to people...
NOT BECAUSE IM STUBBORN D=
but because like... my head feels like its up in the clouds :S
i just smile and nod most of the time... HAHAH SORRY =X
im sure it'll be better now! D:

so im not going to tell you whats up...
if youre ultra close to me, you'll know
(DONT BE OFFENDED IF YOU DONT THOUGH)

last night, i had this major religion re-evaluation...
i still believe He is up there somewhere
but i sort of started... questioning why this is happening to me
and then i started think about what a crappy person ive been
all my faults in life...
but im just trying to convince myself that it has nothing to do with faith
or anything, but rather so dependent solely on chance

but if it is what it is, it will be
i cant change what i have
i can only change my attitude
so be it, ill be completely back to my normal self within a matter of days
i promise :)

because haters gonna hate. and i am a hater ;P

2011-04-11T22:44:00.003+10:00

things i hate:

- people who think theyve got their life planned out and ready to go...
no you idiot, life doesnt go to plan... =="
so stop planning and just.. live your life?
A CLAP FOR YOU HOORAY #sarcasm
you are so deluded that you think that everyones going to give you everything you want,
everything that you 'deserve'
well look buddyyyyy,
you havent done anything...
you basically have no achievements
nor have you tried...
no offense... jk lots and lots of offense ;P
you curse at society and it annoys the shit at me
OH IM SORRY, IS YOUR COMMUNITY SUCH A BURDEN?
do you hate your mum and dad for no reason...?
grow the hell up, seriously =\
love them because they gave you life
because they work hard to feed you, to shelter you x_x

- people who are money driven
shut the fuck up... =\
youre going to be sorry when you drown in your money
or paper cut by your 100$ bills
(or rather plastic cuts since we're in australia.. JUST SAYING HAHA)
okay no seriously now ;P
i dont like people who are money driven because they become soooo blinded?
like i dunno, they tend to talk about money non-stop
talking about their plans to finish uni, get a job, get rich or some shit like that...
MAYBE ITS JUST ME WHO WANTS SOMETHING MORE THAN THAT =\
i dont really want to be rich =\ i just want to be comfortable
where i dont need to worry about mortage or paying for food
i dont mind a bit of money debt after a holiday with the family
or only a few hundred spare in the bank..
because at the end of the day, money is there to be spent
not just to look pretty in your bank account?
i dunno thats just my opinion =\
so thats why i dont like obsessive over money people,
because theyre lame and dont appreciate the beauty of life
(so cheesy)

- people with big egos
LOL oh my dear godddd! :LLLL
y u so crappy!
HAHAHA enough said =)

stole it off tumbllrrrr ;P

2011-04-11T21:20:00.002+10:00

1. Had a beer.
2. Been drunk.
3. Touched a real gun.
4. Done drugs.
5. Wrote on a bathroom stall.
6. Read a George Orwell book.
7. Had sex.
8. Got into a fist fight.
9. Used Twitter.
10. Listened to Lady Gaga.
11. Been in a car accident.
12. Gotten suspended.
13. Gotten expelled.
14. Got a computer virus.
15. Had a hand-written diary.
16. Been allergic to something.
17. Had a dog.
18. Had a cat.
19. Been pregnant.
22. Camped out.
23. Swam in the Ocean
24. Wore a bikini.
25. Meet someone online in person.
26. Made a survey.
27. Used ICQ.
28. Failed a class for the year.
29. Repeated a grade.
30. Went to summer school.
31. Got the high honor roll.
32. Got the regular honor roll (A’s and B’s).
33. Learned to speak another language fluently.
34. Read an entire book.
35. Recorded my own music.
36. Had an xBox.
37. Listened to Rammstein.
38. Wore fishnets.
39. Bought skinny jeans.
40. Been in love.
41. Hated someone.
42. Been cheated on.
43. Cheated on someone.
45. Did something sexual with someone of the same sex.
46. Practiced Christianity.
47. Worn makeup.
48. Had a cavity.
49. Had surgery.
50. Had my license.
51. Been to college.
52. Graduated high school.
53. Attempted suicide.
54. Worn colored contacts.
55. Painted my nails black.
56. Broken someone’s heart.
57. Had my heart broken.
58. Cried for an hour straight.
59. Lost something very valuable.
61. Got separated from my parents as a kid.
62. Broken a bone.
63. Gotten stung by a bee.
64. Eaten something bad/expired.
65. Threw up from being so drunk.
66. Had to put a pet to sleep.
67. Participated in a swinger’s party.
68. Owned an iPod.
69. Owned an iPhone.
70. Fell for a best friend.
71. Stole a friend’s significant other.
73. Went away from home for more than a week.
74. Moved out.
75. Ran away.
76. annoyed my brother/sister.
77. Gotten into a fist fight.
78. Been to the hospital.
79. Had food poisoning.
80. Had a job.
81. Been fired
82. Lied to a friend.
83. Lied to a family member.
84. Lied to a significant other.
85. Posted a video on YouTube.
86. Started a rumor about someone. (probably :S)
87. Deliberately failed a test.
88. Dropped out of school.
89. Fallen down the stairs.
90. Been skinny dipping.
91. Counted to a million.
92. Counted to a thousand.
93. Ate deer meat.
94. Ate duck meat.
95. Had fast food.
96. Been to church.
97. Been to a synagogue.
98. Been married.
99. Had a divorce.
100. Broken a window.

wow... its been a while since ive done one of these LOLOL my life is so boring :(

HEY GUYS LOL

2011-03-21T20:29:00.002+11:00

so its half-yearlies this week...
im pretty screwed, or at least i feel incompetent?
and the ONLY exam i felt like i did well in was english...
OH THE FREAKING IRONY :'((
.
ive gotten the worst rankings ive ever gotten in all the other subjects though
(woohoo LOL)
but its not so bad i guess, not compared to 'average' or whatevers =3
so hopefully, i'll do a lot lot lot better this time but i really doubt it
and i dont even think i deserve it! >< because i dont do much studying
i do my homework and thats it - but hopefully my dedication in class is enough! :(
.
in reference to my last post
i never replied to that email ><
I KNOW I KNOW!! but ive been procastinating it so badly
because i dont know what to say...
or at least nothing i want to say to him directly! D:
i have this bad habit of running away from arguments/fights...
and its terrible, i should just get it over and done with
but this wont even turn into an argument im sure! LOL
BUTTTT... it will be mega awkward and just another indicator
of how we lost it...
.
to you:
im glad that we've gotten over the whole situation thingo :)
.
i really... miss you
not in the omgosh come here, lets have babies way
just in a... hey how've you been way? :(
sure we still talk and i know youre enjoying your course and stuff
but i miss seeing you everdayyy x_x
i hate that you talk about all these chicks in your course who are smart enough to do med
BUT ALSO HOT! wtf! (U) HAHAH :((((
scared of going to uni now! going to be this little ugly girl in the shadows! NUUUUUU
but its a weird feeling you know, im glad that youre over me (i guess)
i hope i go to unsw, just so we can be friends again ^^"
but i am really happy for you
i always had faith that you'd make it, even when you were so confident you wouldnt! ^^
i know we'll catch up soon (i.e. after half-yearlies)

the lost friend who may have come back, or maybe hes just polite

2011-01-06T21:08:00.005+11:00

so... yesterday i was online at around 10.30ish
and you know when you get an email, the msn pop-up thingo?
yeh... well i got an email from an old friend
i thought it was one of those stupid virus emails
but i dont know.. there was this little voice inside of me saying it wasnt
but i didnt wanna open it because i was scared of the disappointment...
EVENTUALLY... okay like half an hour later
i accidentally opened it because i was going through my unread messages
and well... it was a decent email
one of those DIRECT EMAILS
yeh dont get many of those anymore... =\
apart from my group's outing xD
and well it felt soooo nice? (nice is a major understatement)
finally that two long years of not talking was finally broken
that maybe shits going to change?
weirdly enough i went into my chat logs a few days ago
to try and find a conversation of us in order to sorta... let go =\
sorta the 'hey, we had an awesome friendship and well things change because thats just life'
and i couldnt even find one single conversation with you...
because all our conversations are on my old laptop which i had so long ago :(
but that email was sorta a wake up call for me too
reminded me how much i loved being companions with you...
made me realise that no matter how hard i try to forget you, i wont
because you were actually a huge part in my life
the way you made me laugh when everyone else couldnt take away the tears
the way you shared your secrets when i shared mine with you
there are secrets that no one else in the world knows but you
althought theyre not the biggest secrets, they still meant something to me
i miss our conversations at 3am and our in-jokes
i miss your obsessions with dr who and flight of the conchords LOLOL
you pretty much knew everything about me to be honest
but i know that both of us have changed
and it sorta sucks because now im not sure if we really know each other anymore
what if we turn out ot be like strangers making conversation out of politeness?
or if we dont 'click' anymore...
i dont know if i should try so hard to regain friendship for pitiful small talk
(but i know if i dont try, id regret it later)
but when it comes down to it,
at the time, you put everyone, all those new girls in your life, before me
and it hurt like fuck... like it really did
it hurt more because i tried hard to stay friends with you
soooo hard... i told you how you felt and you sorta agreed but sorta brushed it off
and most of all, you didnt do anything about it when i had so much faith in you
it took you two years to speak out and i waited
but i dont know what im meant to say to you now...
i dont know if i should tell you how many sleepless nights you gave me
or how much you hurt me, how abandoned you made me feel
how you made me feel like i wasnt worth it
how i wasnt enough for you to stick around longer...
im going to be honest, you really fucked me over :(
but i guess, it wasnt just you and i shouldnt be putting so much on you
considering you took the time to write me an email x_x
but it was mostly just you two... the original two who were my best friends for so long
the two that just walked out of my life when everything was already falling apart for me
and you guys knew that! you KNEW. but you still left?
someone told me months later something something you know who your best friends are when you life falls apart and everyone walks out...
well, what if your life falls apart BECAUSE your best friends walked out?
now that, is the worst feeling i have ever felt
worse than all that heartbreak bullshit =\
BUUUTTTT
it really isnt all bad...
you still remembered that to me, an email goes a lot way
after two years, you remembered the smallest thing about what i liked
and it gives me so much hope that maybe we could make this work again?
.
but if i told you all of that shit
you'd probably walk out again
and im scared of that happening again...
so what do i do?
its pretty inpolite to not reply to an email, so ill reply
and pretend like i didnt miss him one bit?
LOL chyeahhh sounds about right maties (Y)
you were a pretty cool friend you know and i treat you so much better than any of your friends now... and its annoying that you dont see that
.
to the one who i met on the 18th of May, 2007... hmmm D:
i still miss you everyday and i know that we'll only ever talk again if we cross paths
i actually... fought harder for you since i knew you for a bit longer
but you pretty much told me
not that our 'friendship' is over
but that we shouldnt well... force a conversation?
seems logical from someone who isnt as possessive to friends as me...
but once again, it hurt =\
-insert paragraph of feeling worthless to you and that our friendship wasnt worth fighting for-
youve changed a lot, but i still see the old you from time to time
and it gives me comfort, yet distress that i let you let me go x_x
but it wouldnt kill you to start a conversation
and try to sustain it for the night or even half an hour...?
it would probably make my night
i know its hypocritical because i dont start conversations either
but i do it because im scared of what you'll say
and how different it would feel from how it was before
when life was so awesome with you... =\
.
IN CONCLUSION LOLOL
i miss you guys a lot
and i really do want both of you back in my life
sorry that i got so outta hand with getting to know your friends
that sometimes i forgot about you
but really deep down, you guys were always the two i cared about the most...
i am quite disappointed that you dont talk to me as often as some of them
but i guess, life does that
life tears apart friendships
but alas, im glad you two are still really good friends :)

ill be your clingy bitch

2010-12-28T11:40:00.003+11:00

ironically, im not giving a shit about anything but you =\
(its honestly affecting my studies D: )
.
hmm i know what you mean
but what about the time before that
when it was him, the same other girl (lets call her x)
but with another girl (she is y LOL)
i dont know if youre following or not.. LOL PROBABLY NOT :'D
but yeh, he gave up y for x...
and i think that is more applicable to me and you right now...
lets face it, him and x were an amazing couple =\
and he doesnt regret it...
y sooner or later got over it and she is happy
now obviously our situations arent identical
but i just wish you realised how much harder im trying
than they did =\
how much i try to keep you happy instead of abandoning you
i chose not to date him for you and im still fighting for us
.
from my point of view;
youre the one not caring about me
and im weird for always running back to you, trying to make you happy
if this was anyone else but you
im pretty damn sure i would have left already
ive talked to people about this
not out of bitterness, purely out of "what the fuck do i do"
they say for me to leave because youre making me upset,angry and frustrated
and that no one should be worth all this pain; that i should do whatever makes me happy
you make me feel such emotions where i would normally explode
ive held myself back from yelling at you so many times...
all these emotions are building up and sooner or later
i know im going to end up being angry at someone who ISNT you
because i just... cant scream at you. for some messed up reason...
i miss you so freaking much.
im not going to say i miss the old you, or the happy you
because honestly i miss more than that...
i miss being there for you
i miss seeing you smile after you cry
i miss hugging you
i miss us laughing at absolutely nothing
i miss the inside jokes
i miss being absolutely disgusting with you
i miss doing everything with you
i.just.miss.all.of.you.
.
please understand im trying to make the right decision
the only thing that ive decided is that im not going to let us go =\
i know a real friend when i see one, and i know ill regret it if i leave
i sound like such a clingy bitch x_x
but i only am for you
.
im not saying that im right and that you are in the wrong
im just saying that i am trying so fcking hard for you
yet youre still not recognising my efforts
and well, it sucks
.
p.s. im glad that you have him to talk to and that you guys worry about each other, its sorta cute :P... but i wasnt talking about him, im not sure if you actually talk to him still... but yeh the guy who hurt me, so i walked away and now he doesnt want to talk to me anymore.. yeh that one =\

2010-12-26T16:04:00.002+11:00

soo.. to start things off... ^^
i do care
and like you said; even if i do
nothing changes...
but even so, for the record
i care a lot.
i think about you a lot
i think about how i could have changed things if i was smarter
how i could have prevented all this shit
and how i could make all of this go away...
but obviously if i had found an answer, we wouldnt still be like this
i feel so hopeless because i cant make you happy, i cant take away the pain
and that a huge part of your unhappiness is me...
trust me when i say i tried to make you happy again
i tried a lot of things...
i gave you space but then you thought i was ignoring you and choosing his side
then i gave you closure but then you'd continuously put me down...
so now im giving you space again because you seem happier without me in my life
as much as it hurts, im glad that youre happy at least...
you probably dont know, but i am actually continuously checking up on how you are :(
i pretty much stalk you everday to be honest =\
yes, im that freaky D:
but i do it because i dont know...
i still want to be there for you ><
.
i guess i could have helped it and at the end of the day, i know youre right... but youve been through it too it felt right at the time and you followed whatever made you happy and for you,it was that guy... its sort of the same here maybe one day, i will learn from this but... no one really knows =\ how i felt is in no way personal, it just happened . ive noticed lately that you've been close with one of my... old close friends and i really dont want you to talk to him about any of this shit =\ because its going to hurt both me and him if you do >< anyways ="\" again ="\">
.
.
.
FUCKKKKKKK i wrote this really really long post and when i published it, it deleted a whole chunk.... by a whole chuck, i mean most of what i said

we are our own worst enemy

2010-12-09T21:50:00.002+11:00

i dont really know whats going on lately,
whats happening - what im going to do
i thought that once assessments are over
id be fine... stress-free!
but i dont know, its sort of intensified
getting the actual papers back today,
was sort of a huge slap to the face
maths, i thought i did best in by far...
so what is that going to say about my other results?
im going to be so fucking screwed...
so i kept on arguing for marks with my teacher
he said that i was wrong... but i am so fucking sure that i was right
so i kept pushing
so much that i began to cry because i wanted it so much
one lousy mark, i cried for.. i knew i was right
cried out of frustration, cried out of my own pity
sure, its just first task
everyone keeps telling me
i can turn things around
i know that, but it doesnt make anything better right now
i dont have any hope in getting any better
i just feel like an emotional wreck and plainly, just want to give up...
give up on school work
give up on making people happy
give up mending friendships
give up on trying to find a reason to be happy...
.
.
i really am trying to become friends with you again
but you're pushing me away
youre bitching about me
all the fucking time
and i want to run away
but you never let me
you ust talk to me again to blame it all on me again
thanks. thanks a lot
if you knew i had self-esteem issues,
you woulnt have said a word
but no, who gives
its just me
im tough... yeh whatever
.
.
i dont feel like im good enough to be around you
i feel like you deserve so much better than me
dotn even know why i feel this way,
i guess this is what happens when people cheat and lie
you convince yourself that youre not good enough to be loved
.
.
i really do absolutely amazing friends
i wouldnt doubt that... ever
today they showed me how much the care about me
and im sitting here thinking about how beautiful they are
CORNY, YES I KNOW
but it has to be said
they know who they are <3
.
.
you make me want to love myself
because you make me so happy
and you appreciate me and cherish the time with me
you take the time to make sure im happy
to make sure that im okay
and you worry, so damn much
that i find it incredibly cute.
the way you get jealous is cute
i want to wrap my arms around you and just tell you
that youre perfect the way you are
and i dont ever want you to change.

dynamite with a laser beam

2010-12-02T19:54:00.003+11:00

i lie away awake and miss you.

that is all.

with this picture, you made the happiest girl in the world. i dont really know what i mean to you now, but i really loved being in your company. i didnt tell you this, but you made me overcome the fear of talking on the phone... but i can feel the fear creeping back onto me.

i feel like i cant talk about anything on my blogspot because i know you'll read this and get hurt...but a part of me doesnt care about you anymore, because you cease to care about me. and the truth, i have found happiness in what makes you unhappy. sorry but i cant help the way i feel.

because im an angsty teenager

2010-11-02T21:41:00.002+11:00

PersonOne.
whats wrong? :(

PersonTwo.
argh, i just simply hate the way you treat me... im not fucking dumb =="
i hate the way you answer the questions i direct to the teacher, why butt in? why answer with that fucking tone of yours which puts me down? you think youre so much better than me in every single aspect... I DONT EVEN CARE. ARGH. stop trying to compete with me... i just cannot get over the fact that you asked someone whether they thought you were pretty... and you intimated the fuck out of them until you got an answer. why do you care so much? i find you extremely desperate that it sickens me...

PersonThree.
over the next 10 days or so, my heart is going to crave you... just saying :(

PersonFour.
it feels like im only close to you now because the rest of them... they just do something where it just ticks me off that little bit... and by the end of the day youre the only one i want to talk to

PersonFive.
you always flirt with the guys im friends with... id be talking to them and you barge into them and start fiddling with their hair and ill be standing there going "wtf" in my mind.. its so frustrating since i barely have time to talk to people as it is... ><

PersonSix.
i do miss talking to you, i miss talking to you about everything... i miss telling you the little things that frustrate me in my day and the way you prevented blog posts like this from happening...

PersonSeven.
i like the way you look at me and smile... i just like the way you make me happy :D

I am a very bad student"

2010-10-31T14:08:00.002+11:00

[ ]Sleep in class

[x]Talked in class

[ ]Not siting at your own place in class

[x]Scolded by a teacher

[x]Litter the classroom

[x]Did not do your homework at least 15 times

[x]Submitted your homework late at least 10 times

[ ]Came late for school at least 10 times

[ ]brought/wore home clothes without school's permission

[x]brought/wore jewellery to school

[ ]did not pay attention in class for at least 60% of the time

[ ]cried out "sian" or "wa lao wei" to the teacher

[x]plucked a flower/ killed a plant in school

[x]copied other people's homework in desperation

[x]played a trick on your classmates/teacher

Total so far: 9

Level 2:

[x]sent for detention class

[x]ate in class

[x]not wearing your school uniform (if you have) properly

[x]shouted at the top of your voice during lesson time

[ ]shouting vulgarities in class

[ ]sported hairstyle deemed unacceptable by the school

[x]used a school facility without school's permission

[x]played soccer/basketball or any other sports in classroom

[x]singing loudly during lesson

[x]walking around the class aimlessly during lesson time

[x]did not greet the teacher properly

[x]went to the toilet during lesson time without permission

[x]played a trick on the teacher during april fools

[x]used the teacher's table as a rubbish dump

[x]made yourself a nuisance to the teacher

Total so far: 22

Level 3:

[x]was asked to stay back after school/ break time

[x]made a fool out of morning assembly

[ ]wasted the school's toilet paper

[x]sabotaged someone

[x]irritated someone

Total so far: 26

Level 4:

[x]forged your parent's signature

[x]forged a classmate's signature

[ ]forged a teacher's signature

[ ]made rude remarks to the school cleaners in front of them

[x]flew a paper aeroplane down from the school's highest storey

Total so far: 29

Level 5:

[x] fiddling with your mobile phone during lesson time

[x]played with your PSP/NSDL in school

[x]using school computer to play games without a teacher's permission

[x]listened to an MP3 player in school

[x] messed with the teacher's pigeon hole

Total so far: 34

Level 6:

[x]vandalising with school property

[ ]tried to defame your school in public

[x]used the internet to scold/bitch/talk about teachers

[x]fought with someone in school

[ ]shoplifted in school

Total so far: 37

Level 7:

[x]cheated in a class test

[ ]cheated in a school examination

[ ]cheated for your PSLE/ GCE 'O' or 'A' Level Examination

[x]Lied to your teacher

[ ]played truancy for hall assemblies/ specific lessons

Total so far: 39

Level 8:

[ ]took drugs in school

[ ]smoked in school

[x]set fire to something in the school

[x]locked the teacher out of the classroom

[ ]played truancy just after coming to school just to take attendance

Total so far: 41

Level 9:

[x]refused to pay school fees

[ ]cheated the school money

[x]stole things which belonged to the school - ACCIDENT I SWEAR

[x]bullied/teased/played a prank on/bitched about someone in school

[ ]prank called your school

Total so far: 44

Level 10:

[ ]raised your voice/shouted against a student leader

[ ]raised your voice/shouted against a teacher

[ ]raised your voice/shouted against your discipline master/mistress

[x]raised your voice/shouted against your vice-principal

[ ]raised your voice/shouted against your principal

Total so far: 45

Level 11:

[ ]brought weapons to the school

[ ]brought real firearms to the school

[ ]brought a real bomb to the school

[ ]fired a real weapon in the school with the motive to frighten/kill

[ ]dressed up as a terrorist to school (israq)

Grand total: 45

Ranks:

If you are between 0-15 -------------{I am a good student}

If you are between 16-20------------{I am a good student but with occasional trouble}

If you are between 21-30------------{I am an average student}

If you are between 31-40------------{I am a bad student}

If you are between 41-50------------{I am a very bad student}

If you are between 51-60------------{I should have been caned by the discipline master}

If you are between 61-65------------{I should have been expelled from school}

If you are between 66-75------------{I should have been sent to a reformatory centre}

(8) Show you the way love’s supposed to be

2010-10-23T22:18:00.005+11:00

so i was on your tumblr, and i realised how much i miss you
how i NEED you to be by my side...
how sometimes, i just sit here... feeling empty
i know you do care about me, and that youre hurting too
but theres nothing i can say to make it all better
things changed, i think we both realise that
but i still be missing you
youre the main reason why i appear offline more often now a days,
because i know you no longer start the conversations,
you no longer have the time, not even for me...
and i think, that maybe youre not talking to me because im not online,
not because of the fact that shit happens
im at the point where im considering to just... let you completely drift out of my life
maybe it wont hurt as much?
maybe you'll meet someone, and fall in love
and she'd be everything i never quite was...
.
btw HE asked for me back, and i want to tell you
but im scared it will hurt you
it feels like im keeping a secret from you... lying to you...
HE was the one who made me never want to trust a guy again
im sorry that i never gave us a second glance
im not going to take him back...
because you taught me what a great guy is
and i thank you, for everything...
.
i dont want to burden you
.
in case you were wondering,
the thing that you thought messed us up...
wasnt really the thing that ruined us
it was ... her. sorry

not what i need, yet absolutely everything

2010-10-17T15:00:00.003+11:00

have you ever met someone where you can talk to hours on end and no have to repeat a single conversation? how you just... connect? theres no explanation for it, it just feels like... things work.

well, thats what it feels like for me, between us. it feels like youre just meant to be in my life and its so hard to explain. GAH~!QEFEWDRYWRHE <-- okay thats weird, it spells out "few" and "dry" LOL

you make time for me even when youre busy
you help me when i have trouble with school work etc
you give me space when i need it and closure when i wanted you there.
you listen to me rant when im having a terrible day
you are willing to spend money on me, but you let me not let you
you are trustworthy
but most of all, you make me smile, laugh and a better person

i think... i think youre going to be the person who helps me survive this long year ahead

everything to do with studies. everything to do with hating english. <- anaphora

2010-10-12T22:26:00.004+11:00

theres so many things i want to say...
but i cant find the words right now =\
.
okay well the reason why i havent been blogging lately
is because:
1. things are okay.. therefore no need to blog/rant it all out xD
2. whenever i do feel like blogging, i plan out what im going to rant about
and by the time im done "planning" my rant is over... so i dont blog it... :P
.
but yeh...
well then yearlies... ahem yes
i tried my absolute hardest in english and basically ignored the others
okay i tried a little in ag... BUT STILL
so i got almost all my exam marks back
i dont know if im overall happy or upset...
okay well, i didnt try hard for chem/physics/maths
but guess what, i did best in them... =\
i did crappy in eco, but im dropping anyways
so it really doesnt affect me
ag... disappointed, not a bad score... but i sort of lost my >90 score
(oh boohoo you must be thinking)
well yes, ag is meant to be "my thing" so i wanted to do well in it
and english, oh glorious fucking english
(excuse my poor language) <-- LOL jk, thats what my english teachers tell me =="
anyways, yeh ... lets say.. under 50%...
.. under 40 %...
yeh lets just leave it at that.. before i get upset again :(
i would accept it if i didnt try hard, or if i didnt ask for help
or if i just generally didnt care at all
but i did care,
i cared enough to make notes
i cared enough to ask for advice
i cared enough to hand in practise essays
i cared enough to be so distorted by my results
but i guess, thats life...
i think its telling me to drop to standard...
speaking of standard;
my parents and teachers said i should drop
it SUCKS that even the people who are meant to be supporting me,
have lost faith in me
i KNOW i can do this damned course, i believe it or not...
i get everything in the course, i just... cant write it?
.
im dropping eco..
i was planning on doing a business subject at uni
there goes my only social science subject! durp.
.
Tried hardest in;
1. english
2. ag
3. maths
4. chemistry
5. physics
6. eco
.
Did best in:
1. physics 84%
2. maths 83%
3. chemistry 71%
4. ag 85%
5. eco >70% so far
6. english 37% durp.
english is a bloody preposterous subject.
.
and so, i read over my english essay.. over and over
and sure, there is things i could improve on..
but really? 37%?
why did i even bother writing the essay to begin with? SERIOUSLY.
.
but its okay, because now im really dedicated... really really. I SWEAR =(
and my friends are supporting me <3
all i want, is at least a low band 5... ILL BE OVER THE MOON WITH THAT...
.
.
.
OKAY, university..
well i think ill have enough to get into the course i want
or at least, the course i think i want
its 96.00 at the moment
get up to 5 bonus points
which im sure ill get anyways...
so thats really just 91 ATAR
which really, is just maintaining within the top 80% of students at school
doesnt sound too hard... maybe... :P
.
goodluck to year 12s with their hsc
even though year 12s dont even read my blog... HAHAHAHA thankfully =\

because i cbb ranting, ill do a pointless quiz thingo (:

2010-09-17T22:10:00.002+10:00

TEN HOW’S:
How did you get one of your scars?
whilst crawling, my hands slipped from under me and my chin was smashed onto the tiles... but no one notices my scar anyways =X

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
doing a physics and agriculture exam

How are you feeling at this moment?
confused

How did your night go last night?
i was attempting to study

How did you do in high school?
uhmm... good enough.. hopefully

How did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
eels finalist shirt :D

How often do you see ur best friend?
everyday at school <3

How much money did you spend last month?
uhm around 20? :P

How old do you want to be when you get married?
i do not know... around 27ish?

How old will you be at your next birthday?
17 i think :S

NINE WHAT’S:

Your mothers name?
Jane Xie

What did you do last weekend?
i dont even remember

What is the most important part of your life?
myself (: and my sister.. okay fine and my family and friendsssss

What would you rather be doing?
nothing really

What did you last cry over?
stressful situation

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
noha ALWAYS makes me feel better =3

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
personality... LOL jk, he has to be hot

What are you worried about?
failing life in general LOL

What did you have for breakfast?
milo LOL

EIGHT HAVE YOU’S:

Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
indeedios

Have you ever had your heartbroken?
im a teenage girl, of course i have :P

Have you ever been out of the country?
yehs

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
... LOL probably!

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
always =\

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
of course!... okay nt really

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
derp. yes

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
do picture books count?

SEVEN WHO’S:

Who was the last person you saw?
excluding family, prad :)

Who was the last person you texted?
lisa :)

Who was the last person you hungout with?
prad at mac square :D

Who was the last person to call you?
my mum

Who did you last hug?
... prad LOL shes getting all the attention on this thing isnt she xD

Who is the last person who texted you?
charles

Who was the last person you said “i love you” to?
my sister

SIX WHERE?S:

Where does your best friend live?
somewhere in this strange world

Where did you last go?
mac square

Where did you last hang out?
refer to above

Where do you go to school?
hurlstone :) <3

Where is your favorite place to be?
your bed ;D LOLOL!

Where did you sleep last night?
... my bed :( HAHAHHA kidding, i love you bed :)

FIVE DO’S/DOES:

Do you like someone right now?
not really

Do you think anyone likes you?
lol yeh?

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
i have moments, but simply moments

Do you know the muffin man?
who lives on drury lane?

Does the future scare you?
yes you cant possibly imagine :S

FOUR WHY’S:

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
because they are them. and that means theyre special :)

Why did you get a myspace?
because i was meant to keep in touch with primary kiddos, fail

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
they imagined the perfect child and encompassed my name in conjunction with my chinese name to form like.... a hybrid kid LMAO

Why are you doing this survey?
because i need to do something pointless since i just finished exams

THREE IF’S:

If you could have one super power what would it be?
to be able to mimick other peoples talents :))

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
probably! :) but what that is, i do not know

If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring one thing what would you bring?
id bring a car door, so if it got hot, id just wind down the window... HURRR

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
probably not

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
for sure.. its just hair =\

ONE LAST QUESTION

Are you happy with your life right now?
right now, yes. i am satisfied XD

alas, the things on my mind

2010-08-25T22:13:00.002+10:00

so here it is, bright and plain...
im getting all upset over stupid little things building up
so this is what ive been thinking about for the past weeks...

1. before it was english
but after that brilliant speech score, im learning to love it... THERE I SAID IT. IM STARTING TO ENJOY ENGLISH x_x

2. economics mark
yeh, it was still 'a decent' mark, so it MAY have been... below average but goddamn i tried soo hard =\ i have never studied so hard for an assessment.. EVER! so yeh, when i got it back it hurt like hell... where people who i studied with at some point getting high As. when people who get a mark above you start moaning and groaning... complaining "i did so shit" yeh well... stuff you =( and i cant even blame my bad mark on "yeh i didnt even try" because i did =\\\

3. chemistry mark
from like top 20, to below average in the next task... yeh it was shocking =\

4. maths
i hate my new teacher, he doesnt explain it... so im sitting in class trying to solve everything, and it feels like everyone else gets it.. because they go to tutoring... because they have THE TIME. and i feel so damn envious. sigh ive never felt so dumb

5. SRC
talent quest. people. enough said =X

6. dancing
one of the major things which made me happy... doesnt make me happy anymore. so much pressure to choreo. so much effort. so much stress. and guess what? when i do perform and people cheer for me, someone gets annoyed... for once MAYBE ID LIKE TO BE APPRECIATE FOR ALL MY HARD WORK. yeh... dancing leads to problems

7. not having time
i just want one day, where i dont have to do anythng, where i dont feel pressured that i have to do something... where that whole day is about me and doing the things i enjoy =X working twice a week with unflexible hours, it doesnt help... oh fck work tomorrow. i kind of want to go to tutoring... but i have no time for it because imagine me with all this shit AND tutoring... oh my =="

8. people telling me "you never have the time for me anymore"
well yes. i fucking know. i dont have time for myself, so why would i bother spending time with you when all you tell me is that we never spend time anymore? where every single conversation we have turns into a fight, and you believe that i dont care about you anymore and you have never been so wrong. well one day, im going to give up on you and i really am going to stop caring. there is only so much i can take...

9. being friends with year 12
year 12, most of them are great... and i know theyve got hsc, but i find a few of them pushing some of the stress onto me. and honestly, every single moment of the day feels like a struggle in itself :( and i cant really take it? but i STILL do.. for their damned sakes... i just hope they'll be there when i break down this time next year sigh AND worst of all, I know... that I wont be seeing them around very soon, and I have this general fear of losing people...

10. just you in general
huge one... upsets the crap out of me... i dont know what im doing wrong. you just ignore me because we dont centralise absolutely everything around you. You get pissed off when I do things right or well. You give the cold shoulder to me because youre a tad jealous? I don’t really understand why you’d want to be jealous of me... im not as good as you think =\ and I have to ultimately decide... you or a friend who treats me right...? and honestly, your chances are pretty slim right now. @#!%@#^ cares; you don’t. Ffs... I get it okay. I get jealous too, but youre being JUST plain immature

11. hurting other people by being upset
GAH! The cycle never ends really :( I go home and just feel bad for making people worry all the time. I feel bad for making people cry from being worried... I get so easily angry at everything and I probably don’t mean the things I say. I don’t like hurting people....

To the people I care about; sorry for breaking down constantly, I am really trying hard to hold myself together but when im frustrated I just explode?
.
.
i wrote this last night when a particular someone sent me a facebook message ;D
yes you know who you are LOL
thankyou so much <3 ^^

dearest anonymous.

2010-07-31T11:30:00.001+10:00

thankyou for making my day and helping me pull through :)

<3

i struggle with english, no problems with venting.. =="

2010-07-30T22:24:00.002+10:00

its that feeling that you dont really think youre good enough;
that youre not really sure if youre good at something,
you just THINK you are because people tell you...
i dont know whether im all that, or maybe ive just have lots of friends?
or at least have the most supporting friends in the world...
i should be happy with either...
im probably just pmsing, like usual =\
and beating myself up because i can never be quite satisfied.
this is meant to be 'my thing' but today...
i just didnt feel the vibe, the hype that i usually do
the second i left the stage, my heart dropped
because i knew it wasnt all that we intended it to be
but thats life. it disappoints you and gets you down
and we're all expected to brush it off like it was a speckle of dust.
well i tell you this blogger, im hate things being out of place
not physically.. but just... if things dont sit right in my head
it frustrates me x_x
p.s. the new hotmail and youtube layout pisses me off >:(
.
today; highlights - spending time with ebony/paul/jenn and joannie at lunch :)

searching for the light

2010-07-28T21:45:00.002+10:00

i hate that this blogspot is so emotionally unstable
but i like it in the same aspect...
well well well, ive 'stuffed' up 3 tasks in a row
one being under 50%, one being under average - making me loose 40 ranks and the other not quite good enough for other classes...
usually, i would be content with an average or with a just above average mark...
but i guess, i guess things change
im the sort of girl who pulls through the heartbreak of boys, about relationships - about all that crap which should really matter in an average teenage girl...
but at the thought of a mark under 50%, breaks me down...
i regret not studying enough in junior years because goddamn, studying takes so much effort and energy... i think i need time to study how to study? lame much? =\
.
im not even in year 12,
but i feel like i need a break where i could just go at least a day without having to do any work - without having to think about assessments, school work, actually working, src etc etc
blogspot, i am completely stressed out :( and its completely silly to be...
a part of me wants to give up for the rest of year 11 and just say "yep, well i screwed up this year - oh wells, it doesnt count" because this is the last time that we can say this =(...
but yadda yadda you should get into a routine, learn to study
i know, how hypocritical to the "wish i studied in junior years"
but its different (okay its not really)
but it FEELS different
because now, im physically and mentally tired... my fingers feel strained because of the constant typing, now thats buggered :(
.
OKAY BACK TO WORK, my 20 minute break is over now...

ill admit to being a failure, but never a quiter

2010-07-23T20:13:00.003+10:00

sometimes, we get caught up in own misery and well, today is one of those days...
one of those days where the sky didnt shine as brightly as i would have liked and where you just want to cry and cry over again, because this sense of hopelessness overwhelms you...
im mean sure, its just year 11, yes - i understand it wont count in less than 10 weeks from now... but not physically being able to get above 50% in a subject which has to matter so fcking much, you cant doubt that it wouldnt hurt. sometimes i just sit at home, just staring at a wall wondering where i went wrong, to go from above average to be basically bottom 10... and no, im not being sarcastic. no, this isnt one of those "asian fails" this is just plain fail.

i talked to numerous amounts of people about this, highlight being lunch and straight after lunch ... it helped a lot. I think, i think id like to stay where i am because i like the advance course better and im aware i screwed up, 4 times in a row... but now, now its different. now it hurts a lot because i TRIED.

i talked to a dear friend of mine, and he proposed dropping to standard and of course, being who i am, feel apart because i knew he was right :( he said the main reason why i dont want to drop is because it'll hurt my ego, which is precisely right. ARGH but still, im thick-headed... id rather do crap in adv then average at standard... but thats just me.

i just need to keep in mind, that the fight will be worth it in the end.

cant think of a decent blog title

2010-07-02T18:47:00.002+10:00

well well well... =X
stress builds up, breaks you down
and youre left stranded...
ever since we've drifted
ive been stressed
your stress has rubbed onto me
and i dont mind anymore
because i ACTUALLY care about you
it may have taken a long time for me to realise this
but youve always been there for me
and i could only wish that i could be the exact person you were for me
you
are
amazing
and im sorry that i dont say it often enough
because i dunno... its not something i generally say?
we didnt talk at all yesterday
i ... missed you?
i just wonder, if youd possibly miss me when youre gone?
only ... one term now ><
i wish we got to know each other sooner
i dont want you to leave
i dont want us to stop talking
i dont want to turn up to school
and not being able to say hello to you...
this post is turning into some corny mush D:
but because you dont like me being nice...
i decided to say it on here
where youd probably never ever read this...
so heres to you queer (:

.

2010-06-22T20:06:00.003+10:00

dearest blogspot.
im trying my hardest
but theres always this pit of darkness within me
and i dont understand...
ive got a lot more than anyone could ask for
but i feel like ive got nothing
because maybe its because... i dont really feel right knowing youre not the same person
not being able to talk to you, hurts me
a lot of people dont them...
honestly.. it feels nice
and thats such a terrible terrible thing to say
but that just means that maybe im not that insane?
im not going to say you deserve better...
because its your life
and i have no right to say anything
but please, open your eyes...
shes changing you into someone i dont want to know.
A part of me is convinced that if i stick around longer
till you walk away from each other
that i can finally talk to you
without being bitched about...
so i can change you back to someone who i once knew...
the person who cared about his friends?
maybe... one day
.

i miss you love

2010-06-13T21:22:00.002+10:00

been having a lot of deep and meaningfuls lately...
and its hitting home, every single time
so heres to the people who have taken the time this week
to listen to me voice everything...
.
things are getting tough
i mean... im definitely depressed or anythnig
just stressed, moody, unstable and confused... definitely confused.
have you ever felt alone in this world?
i hate it because i know im not.. im far from it
its just... sometimes its frustrating
spending your lunch and recess chasing around
finding people for something which i dont really care about...
.
i hate it how people depend on me so fucking much
well you know what?
i need someone to lean on too
i need to break down once in a while
.
argh i hate 123
taking up every single moment of my life
i hate how they wear their badge
but they never to any meetings...
i hate how if a decision is made
i always have to fucking carry it out
i get absolutely no recognision at all
all i get is a bunch of groans from the disappointment i get from my stupid grade
well you know? i tried so hard
so dont blame me that i did SOMETHING
even if to you it seemed hopeless
because right then and there i felt like crying infront of my grade
and i didnt show it
because i never fuckign do
so i hope youre all happy
for being bitches about me doing something instead of nothing
honestly... it doesnt even hurt you at all
i do all the work and in the end
a group of 8 get the credit
3 of which dont even bother turning up ... ever
.
over the past couple of weeks
i have never felt so much doubt in myself
each day, i find new reasons why to hate myself
today: im not really that good of a dancer...
.
dear _?_,
goodluck for your future and everything more
youre one of the only people i know who want to get rich for a good reason
so thankyou, youve opened up my eyes <3
.
you chose her over me...
makes me very insecure
what made her so much... better?
after all we've been through
i would have thought that...
maybe.. just maybe you'd still deep down care about me more?
.
i think that im all drained out
i barely get 7 hours of sleep each day
i fall into microsleeps at every single moment
even when people are talking to me :(
im tired of pretending everythings okay
.
i wish i was like her and cry over every single little thing.
then maybe i wouldnt have this huge hair ball of doubt...
sigh ~

this is all over the place because things have been constantly crossing my mind
i havent blogged in a while... sorry
i thought i could cope?

youre mood can have an effect on others...

2010-05-31T19:59:00.004+10:00

you know when theres a lump in the back of your throat?
you know when you wait in anticipation for a reply from someone?
well... im feeling exactly like that...
because i dont know what i did
honestly, what the fudge did i do to deserve this?
what did THEY do to deserve it too
im hurt because theyre hurt and i can feel it
no matter how much they say "no its okay"
it is far from it
because i know deep down, youre hurting
and this could may all be because of me
but i dont know how to change it
i dont know how to fix it
because i have no idea what i did in the first place
.
im sorry for pulling you into all this girly shit that girls do
im sorry that she used you to get to me
because i know its not nice to feel used
i can only imagine how much it'll kill to know
that your friendship was based on hurting me
thanks for sticking through with me all these years
thanks for saying the exact thing i wanted to hear from you...
.
well, ill just say... kudos, you did so well in hurting me
kudos to you for successfully breaking me into bits,
for knowing my absolute weak point
where id crack with every insignificant little thing...
did you take a shot in the dark?
or are you really that 'incredible' to know that he is basically my weak point
the point in my past that i'll probably never completely get over
i just couldnt believe you can be THAT insensitive...
.
i blame NONE of this on you
i wish you'd understand that
its just you were there at the time when i broke down
you were there when that one thing was just too much
i told him because i wanted to know the truth
because i was bleeding inside for answers
the time when you saw me with him
ironically.. it was about you
it was him telling me that you didnt mean it
it was me freaking accepting that you did nothing wrong
and you were too blind to see that he really does care about you
more than you can POSSIBLY imagine
so im suck here so undecided
what did i do....
he even told me that he cares about you more...
a lot more apparently
so imagine how im feeling
can you PLEASE consider how i feel...
you probably hate my guts
and in the end no one really cares about me...
my self-esteem has hit rock bottom
and i dont understand.. at all
youre getting the better end here...
but here how it is,
i get it. he cares about you more
how its meant to be
and i COMPLETELY 100% understand
but i dont really understand your point of view
and im trying to talk to you about it
and you're not letting me through
so tell me, what should i do?
.
do you hate fate as much as i do?
please, tell me... why is that everytime we become good friends all over again
something comes and fucks it up?
why is it that whenever i try and go back to the days
where we didnt need to hide being the best of friends
where it didnt hurt anyone that we were great friends
where everything was so much easier
what ever happened to that?
since when do we need to grow up? :(
when you showed me you still kept it..
it honestly meant a lot
it kinda lit up my mind
made me realise and remember how much you actually freaking mean to me
it made me miss you
it made me want to hug you and never let you go
and for something so small to come in our way?
well... what can i say... :(
i think we're probably better going off in our own little worlds for a little while...
for her at least...?
because we... we're been though a heck of a lot
and in the end, we'll always be best friends
and thats all that really matters right?
in the end, no matter what life throws at us
we can try and hate each other as much as we want
but we're always what we are...
best friends =3
.
but i guess... this is what i get becoming close friends with someone again.
im not angry, simply upset and confused

new skin to crawl around in

2010-05-28T20:51:00.002+10:00

yay for new blogger skin (Y) since the other one was all crappy and stuff!
YOU COULDNT EVEN COMMENT! and i cbb to find the comment code in the mix of my skins... :L and the colour was too ugly anyhows... THUS a new skin... again :)
.
CAMP!
a bit of this and a bit of that it was,
i really liked camp :)
at camp, (as cheesy as it sounds) i re-established friendships
people who i couldnt talk to at school because of time restrictions
i wish camp never ended so fast :(

WAIT CRAP TUTOR HOMEWORK. FINISH LATERS!

#400

2010-05-24T21:03:00.002+10:00

never thought id ever get this far into blogging to be honest...
okay okay, the reason why i havent blogged recently is because i wanted to make this 400th blog post special, but really.. i had no idea what so ever :)
and ive been wanting to blog about HEAPS of stuff
but they never seemed to fit the criteria of this 400th blogpost
now i just cbb to care anymore
so i shall jsut do a random thing xD

YOUR BOY SIDE—-

You love hoodies.

You love jeans.

Dogs are better than cats.

It’s hilarious when people get hurt.

Shopping is torture.

Sad movies suck.

You own a racing car game.

You played with Hot Wheels cars as a kid.

At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.

You have watched sports on TV.

Gory movies are cool.

You go to your dad for advice.

You own like a trillion baseball caps.

You used to collect hockey cards.

Baggy sweats are cool to wear.

It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.

Green, black, red, blue or silver are one of your favourite colours or all.

You love to go crazy and not care what people think.

Sports are fun.

You talk with food in your mouth.

You sleep with your socks on at night.

You have fished at least once.

—-YOUR GIRL SIDE—-

You love to shop.

You wear eyeliner.

You wear the colour pink.

You go to your mum to talk.

You consider cheerleading a sport.

You hate wearing the colour black.

You like going to the mall.

You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.

You like wearing jewellery.

You cried watching the Notebook.

Shopping is one of your favourite hobbies.

You don’t like the movie Star Wars.

You are/were in gymnastics.

It takes you at least one hour to shower, get dressed and make-up.

You smile a lot more than you should.

You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.

You care about what you look like.

You like wearing dresses when you can.

You like wearing high heel shoes.

You used to play with dolls as a kid.

You like putting make-up on others.

You like being the star of everything.

Pink is one of your favourite colours.

Appearance •

I am shorter than 5’2.

I have many scars.

I tan/burn easily.

I wish my hair was a different colour.

I have friends who have never seen my natural hair colour.

I have a tattoo.

I am self-conscious about my appearance.

I’ve had/have braces.

I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.

I have more than two piercings.

• Embarrassment •

I’ve slipped out ‘lol’ in a spoken conversation.

Disney movies still make me cry.

I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.

I’ve glued my hand to something.

I’ve laughed ‘til some kind of beverage came out of my nose.

I’ve had rip my pants in public.

• Health •

I’ve gotten stitches.

Broken a bone.

I’ve had my tonsils removed.

I’ve sat in the doctor’s office with a friend.

I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.

I’ve had serious surgery.

I’ve had chicken pox.

• Traveling •

I’ve driven/ridden over 200 miles in one day.

I’ve been on a plane.

I’ve been to Canada.

I’ve been to Cuba.

I’ve been to Niagara Falls.

I’ve been to Ottawa.

I’ve gone to Sudbury.

I’ve been to the Carribbean.

I’ve been to Europe.

I’ve been to Florida.

• Experiences •

I’ve gotten lost in the city.

I’ve seen a shooting star.

I’ve wished on a shooting star.

I’ve seen a meteor shower.

I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.

I’ve pushed all the buttons on the elevator.

I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.

I’ve been to a casino.

I’ve gone skinny dipping.

I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.

I’ve crashed/rolled a car.

I’ve been skiing.

I’ve been in a musical.

I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.

I’ve seen the northern lights.

I’ve sat on the rooftop at night.

I’ve played a prank on someone.

I’ve ridden a taxi.

I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I’ve eaten sushi.

I’ve been snowboarding.

• Relationships •

I’m single.

I’m in a relationship.

I’m engaged.

I’m married.

I miss someone right now.

I’ve gotten divorced.

I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.

I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did

• Honesty / Crime •

I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.

I’ve done someone I promised myself I wouldn’t.

I’ve snuck out.

I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.

I’ve cheated while playing a game.

I’ve ran a red light.

I’ve witnessed a crime.

I’ve been in a fist fight.

I’ve been arrested.

• Death and Suicide •

I’m afraid of dying.

I hate funerals.

I’ve seen someone/something dying.

Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide.

You have planned your own suicide.

I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

• Materialism •

I own over 5 rap CDs.

I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.

I own designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.

I own something from Pac Sun.

I own something from The Gap.

I own something I got from e-bay.

I own something from Abercrombie.

• Random •

I can sing well.

Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.

Open up to others easily.

I watch the news.

I don’t kill bugs.

I sing in the shower.

I’m a morning person.

I paid for my cell phone ringtone.

I am a sports fanatic.

I twirl my hair.

I care about grammar.

I have “?”s in my screen name.

I love spam ham.

I’ve copied more than 30 CDs in a day.

I bake well.

My favourite colour is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple or orange.

I would wear pajamas to school

I like Martha Stewart.

I know how to shoot a gun.

I am guilty of tYpInG LyK DiS

I laugh at my own jokes.

I eat fast food weekly.

I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.

I can’t sleep if there’s a spider in the room.

I am really ticklish.

I like white chocolate.

I bite my nails.

I’m good at remembering faces.

I’m good at remembering names.

I’m good at remembering dates.

Secrets of HSC Success Revealed

2010-04-26T11:10:00.000+10:00

Secrets of HSC Success Revealed

what do you want to do?

2010-04-23T18:04:00.002+10:00

hmm... dnm-ing about futures (Y)
made me think.. do i want to have a normal future? D:
GODDAMN, now i dont even know...
i remember how i wanted to be something,
then i lose interest or
someone talks it down
so i stop, reconsider that something i wanna do...
so here... here are all my broken dreams =X

1. fashion designer (the whole reason why i started this blog, some 2 years ago)
- snapped into reality by career advisor ><
2. global business creater... something as big as big w...
- "women dont make it big in business" x_x
3. climate change activist... im an official part of ACF now, but have done nothing to promote change... i was inspired by Severn Suzuki's 1992 speech directed to the united nations ^^"
- "global warming doesnt exist" even though i believe that it does still... no one seemed to care about climate change and all of the rest of it... for at least 3 months, thats all i want to talk about... i got so emotionally engrossed in this, and no one really seemed to care that our worlds changing ><...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQmz6Rbpnu0&feature=related

4. science teacher at hurlstone HAHAHA... no seriously =\ science is cool, their staffroom is mad, they're all pretty damn cool teachers xD
- what if they're not looking for a teacher in science... what if i have to teach at a public school? x_x as well as that... hurlstone's younger years arent as cool :'(

and now... now i have no freaking idea what i want to do
now i dont know if i want to be in business
or if i want to be in science...
everyone pictures me doing business,
having an office job
going into the city everyday etc etc
but im actually... really bad at eco :(
.
what to be?

a couple years on since ive done this

2010-04-20T16:26:00.002+10:00

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF
My name is Amy
i am content with how my life is right now
im proud of what ive become and glad i met the people i have along the way
ive accepted me for me, pretty much a crazy random chick
i miss my braces
i realise now im really bad at describing myself, struggling at number 6 D:
i think that most people are better than they think they are
i am actually really shallow
i love the idea of study groups
i have friends all over school and outer school. but i know where everyone stands in my life. i love my group :)

NINE THINGS YOU’VE THOUGHT RECENTLY
I think im going to be okay
Im hungry
i feel confident
crap, my button fell off
ew my teeth doesnt look so cool
half yearlies doesnt really matter that much
butterflies :)
why now? cant you come after half yearlies?!
this water tastes funky =\

EIGHT WAYS TO WIN YOUR HEART
... looks... ROFL mostly hair or smile
funny, but not consistantly funny, because thats ust annoying =\
"being there"
i really cant say to be honest... i fall for random guys who are always SO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM EACH OTHER.. so...i dont know really =( just the typical, stereotypical things?

SIX THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU GO TO BED.
brush teeth
go offline? LOL
turn off light
put away book
pack bag for tomorrow
make sure my alarm is on

FIVE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO FIVE DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT.
"do i actually mean a lot to you?" - but i dont actually want them to anwer that ^^"
"youre so immature. you think you know everything"
"even though you did well... absolutely crap in your physics and was amazing upset at yourself, youre worth a lot more" - and she doesnt even know me LOL
"you are amazing and you ARE smart. so dont be stressed over maths, you'll get ther :)"
"over the past few weeks, youve really showed me what true friends are" - to a group of people :D

FOUR THINGS YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW.
msn?
blogger
putting chuck onto usb for brendan
thinking about exams

THREE THINGS YOU’RE SCARED OF
death in general
negative comments?
losing people

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
have a child ^^"
put $1000000 into the stock market ... LOL =X

ONE CONFESSION
I enjoy studying (excluding english)

Melt The Snow

2010-04-16T21:51:00.003+10:00

no really, why are we here? =X
im not being emotionally unstable or anything...
but whats the point?
human, we reproduce to make more humans
who spend their whole lives pondering what theyre meant to do?
life, its absolutely wonderful
its so unpredictable; exhilerating.
i guess life can not be decribed,
life just is.

I just thought that was the cutest thing ever :D
lame jokes <3

So really, why worry about half yearlies? :)
why bother studying our little butts off!
well, obviously i know the reason to that ^^"
but still!
i want to be able to say to my kids
"i had the best childhood anyone has ever had"
it wasnt really a good start...
but hey, it can be a good finish?
.
.
lately, before lately
i was becoming pretty negative with myself
losing confidence.. refer to previous posts ^^"
and well, i realised that,
you cant move forward when your looking down...
and i guess the same applies when your looking directly at the clouds
So from now, im going to look infront of me
take every step as they come
and hope for the best
because really... isnt that all we can do?
isnt that what we live for?
.
.
happy studying <3

So, i was meant to be studying...

2010-04-16T14:06:00.002+10:00

yeh i thought, hey ill just check the bus timetable :)
-msn automatically signs in-
oh look people are talking
i have emails!
what? facebook?
oh lovely lets reply to everything
blogspot? what do you mean?
oh okays, it'll be quick
steven zheng has a blogspot?! -follows-
ROFL! no not stalker at all
lets make a blog post about how flimsy i am
wow, this blog post is going just dandy.
great, this makes the end of my computer-ing time for now :)
WHAT?! message recieved from TUMBLR?
well then.. lets just ...
check up on it... =X

i will wait for you, even if its the last thing i do

2010-04-11T23:15:00.000+10:00

dear blogspot,

he started talking to me again =\
after what he did,
i dont understand why i still forgave him
it was the absolute worse thing a guy has EVER EVER done to me
i think im still angry at him
but im not sure if i am
because i feel like im only upset
because its the "normal thing to do"
you used to make me so happy
and then you.. GAH you did THAT.
why do i still talk to you?
why didnt i block you from myself?
why didnt i save myself the emotions all over again?
hmm.. maybe you've changed?
or maybe im just bullshitting...
how dare you go ahead and make my day like that?
how dare you remind me of how damn happy you always made me
youre the absolutely only person i feel 100% comfortable talking to on the phone
did you even know that?
i wish we were so afraid before
i wonder how we'd be...
after you, no one really seems the same
no one really makes me smile
after you, it feels like no one cares
so i cease to care about anyone else
but really, i need that one person to care about me
so i can try and care about everyone else again...
after you, i was stranded
and it lead me to someone else
which im not too happy about =="
youd be a nice change
but will you change?
do i even WANT you to change?
i miss our silly games
and i guess...
i really missed you but never wanted to admit to it...
when i listen to wait for you - elliot yamin, it reminds me of you =\
so
much
each word, now means something to me :(
.
statistics say the average person falls in love 3 times
thats doesnt sound very true does it? =X
i wonder what we are?
im on the verge of thinking... maybe... maybe i did
because there is still that feeling behind my barriers
like if you did something, id fall to your feet immediately
and forget everything you've done...
THATS SO STUPID!
no really, why would ANYONE
EVER
FORGIVE
YOU
for what you did, i dont understand
goddamn i need lizzie to tell me that im absolutely normal :(
far out, why does this have to be so confusing?
.
.
.
love made me think of you
youve changed so much :S
its a nice change
but its a distant change
i dont really feel your sense lingering on me
i miss the time when i use to know when you were around
honestly, i dont really care about you as much
we're still mentally distant still
but when i used to always think/miss you
i still felt close to you...?
that doesnt even make sense!
but its just the feeling?
i dont know?
i guess one subject a day with you is good enough for now (:
BUT! i know that once we go into uni
and we have such busy lives
we'll end up forgetting about each other...
because i know that i will be selfishly
too focused on my own life to care about anything else
but i hope that i can introduce you to my children when the day comes :)
thanks for caring about me over the years
i am hard to manage, goddamn i really am so frustrating
thankyou for putting up with my breakdowns <3
it was you who helped me through it
.
.
You.. okay.. yeh you
you make me happy
you make me angry
you make me being selfish
too much you influence maybe? :P
youre so selfish but i love you for it (sometimes)
you never seem to find time for anyone
unless it benefits you in some way
i dont really understand that?
i thought we were so similar to each other
but i think we were only similar when i first met you
when i didnt give a damn about anything
because you dont!
slowly im getting over that phase...
im starting to care about schoolwork, managing my time
i wish you would,
because you have no idea how much it annoys me when youre not doing schoolwork
when youre just sitting there,
doing stupid things that primary kids enjoy doing
just please... for your own sake
stop.and.just.study :(
.
.
wow.. there we go.. typical old amy blog x_x
lots of word
lots of pms
LOVELY :D

The past 5 days

2010-04-09T14:55:00.002+10:00

I have basically done NO STUDYING.
HOW TERRIBLE!
watched 5 moves in the past 3 days :P and not one of them is benefical...
apart from incredibly entertaining xD
A christmas carol is pretty okay...
its not actually as good as i was hoping :(
i found it pretty funny that i was about to recite lines from the book...
how peculiar, ive only read it once
i should get around to watching dead poet's society again
and analyse it
maybe go to meiwei place :P
but anyways.. more to what i was meaning to blog about...
.
.
The last 5 days has been great
i no longer feel stressed
i no longer want to break down every second of the day
ive kind of recovered,
put things into perspective and realised
"hey, its half yearlies of year 11"
things are only going to get harder from now...
and if im worrying over this,
then i can kiss my happines goodbye
things like this shouldnt matter so much
but on the down side,
because im not stressed...
i have no reason to study
and im not trying at all really =X
and obviously my grades are going to be affected
but im starting not to care... at all =\
my brother did absolutely terrible in almost all his subjects in year 11
he got 30/60 for chem.. and like lower than 60% for physics...
i dont mean to be finding happiness on his failure..
but he got DAMN GOOD for his hsc either way
so maybe.. maybe i should be happy
and not stress out for exams
and just take them as they come
maybe thats the key of the hsc?

#392

2010-04-04T21:46:00.003+10:00

Dear blogspot,

no one really reads you anymore
ive been studying really hard
well at least i try to
and its making me spend less time with you
its actually affecting me really badly
because i never say anything i really want to anymore...
i just get pointlessly angry
at people, at myself
sometimes i stand there and just cry
and its not something i would do
i hate being fragile like this
i hate not having the confidence to overcome this feeling
i hate how i am. right. now.
i really miss blogging about everything :(
and being so open
but i cant find the words to express how i feel?

Love always, amy

ooft

2010-04-02T09:35:00.001+11:00

sorry about the spam guys =x
i didnt know it'll come up with all my blogs on the dashboard once i unblocked it xD

Fck you, year 11

2010-04-02T09:14:00.002+11:00

im actually finding it really hard to cope with everyone
i missed 3 weeks at the beginning and i sort of regret doing so :(
because im still trying to catch up on understanding all this crap
and it doesnt help that the teachers go incredibly fast in order for us to finish the year 11 course
.
HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF.
many teachers told me to have confidence, or im losing confidence
well its because maybe... maybe I AM
i know that and i am afraid to say it
im not used to being behind on everything
on making a HUGE effort with studies
just to get an average result
it doesnt seem worth it
so i try harder and harder
but i still end up with the same thing
so for english assessment... i didnt really try
and boy, that fucked me up so badly.
my loss in faith, has led me to fell insecure and exposed
yesterday i cried 3 times... 3 times! all infront of people
it really does get frustrating because i cant help it
i bite my lip so hard, but my eyes just go red and i end up crying anyways
year 11 is proving to be extremely hard for me
judging so many things
school work, work, src, friends, "boy problems"
and well, honestly... right at the moment i couldnt care less about boys
theyre so ridiculous either way and i just dont have the steam to care anymore
finding it hard to sustain friendship because im never available anymore
im too busy seeing teachers asking them question etc etc
i really dont understand parts of physics and chemistry
i spend more time there than when im with my friends
and its not initiative. its jsut stupid...
src... hmmm well whenever we have meetings,
i go into spastic mode. i tell everyone to shut up and sit down
and i basically tell them that we're going to make a change this year
and if theyre not willing, then they're booted out
now thats pretty harsh
but because im so time restrictioned, it feels like i need to push everyone else
into doing something productive
but i guess for src.. thats a good thing because we're got heaps of ideas
and well... we're actually following up on it
LIKE THE BUBBLER NEAR THE HALL!
yes, thanks to me and src's bank account LOL
work. gee whiz. i tell them absolute max is 2 shifts a week
they've given me 3 for this week and next week =="
i didnt mind i had 3 this week... because public holiday :P
but i dont want that many at all :(
im sick of being at work and stressing over school work
not being completed before school the next day...
sometimes im still up at 12, just doing homework
i dont go online or anything
so theres no distractions
its just simply, i come home late, i have heaps of homework. fml
school work. screw you... seriously. its because of you that my life is so volatile atm
i just really really dont understand you sometimes
youre so hard :(

HURRR THATS WHAT SHE SAID

i guess im still immature rosa :P

.

2010-04-02T09:13:00.001+11:00

didnt
want
to
be
afraid
anymore.
so
i
am
sharing
it
with
the
world
now

Reconiliation

2010-03-11T19:58:00.002+11:00

Truth is im scared you'd read my blog and discover that i USED TO like you
.
Today, it was a great day...
it really was.
then i thought of you
and i guess thats where it kind of went downhill? =X
bleh bleh bleh
.
just had dinner.. cbf to blog anymore

stolen from jenn (:

2010-03-06T18:31:00.002+11:00

I am a morning person.
I am a perfectionist.
I am an only child.
I am Catholic.
I am currently in my PJs.
I am currently pregnant.
I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am addicted to MySpace.
I’m shy around the opposite sex.
I bite my nails.
I currently regret something I have done.
When I get mad I curse.
I don’t like anyone.
I enjoy country music.
I enjoy jazz music.
I have a car.
I have a cell phone.
I have a pet.
I have at least one brother or sister.
I have been to another country.
I have been told that I’m smart.
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humour.
I have had a broken bone.
I have caller ID on my phone.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have had surgery.
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have had the cops called on me.
I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.
I have kissed someone of the same gender.
I have mood swings.
I have rejected someone before.
I have seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I have watched Sex and the City.
I like Shakespeare.
I love to cook.
I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping.
I love to shop.
I miss someone right now.
I own over 100 CDs.
I own over 100 DVDs.
I own and use a library card.
I practice a religion that is not considered mainstream.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
I sleep a lot during the day.
I strongly dislike math.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
I will try ALMOST anything once.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I can name all seven dwarfs from Snow White.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I am currently waiting for someone.
I lost contact with someone.
I hate Miley Cyrus.
I think Party In The USA is catchy.
I’d date Harry Potter.
I can name all the past presidents of the United States.
I know who was president before George Bush.
I love pickles.
I need the internet to live.
I prefer vanilla over chocolate.
I watched Star Trek.
I watched all six movies of Star Wars.
I own an Xbox.
I think music is life.

I. Music (BOLD THE ONES YOU LIKE)
Acceptance. Coldplay. Dave Matthews Band. David Bowie. Foo Fighters. Hellogoodbye. The Killers. James Blunt. Teddy Geiger. Linkin Park. Muse. Ok Go. Panic! At The Disco. Peter Bjorn.The Postal Service.Timbaland. Jack Johnson. Norah Jones. Drake.The Fray. The Wreckers. Michael Buble. Beyoncé. Metallica. Massive Attack. Queen. Journey. The Cars. Supertramp. Eurythmics. Sublime. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Wu-tang Clan. Fergie. Sarah McLachlan. Band of Horses. John Mayer. Jason Mraz. Justin Timberlake. Michael Jackson. Kenny Chesney. Carrie Underwood. Lynyrd Skynyrd. Neil Young. The Beatles. Brad Paisley. Tim McGraw. Taylor Swift. P. Diddy. Jay Z. Lil’ Wayne. Lil’ Jon. Three 6 Mafia. Nelly. Young Joc. T.I. Sean Paul. 50 Cent. Eminem. Eiffel 65. Ace of Base. The Underdog Project. Dream Theater. Santana. Alicia Keys. Incubus. Victor Wooten. Ludacris. Gorillaz. Mayday Parade. Arctic Monkeys. Matchbox 20. Paramore. Say Anything. Taking Back Sunday. Eric Clapton. The Darkness. Weezer. The Eagles. Jimi Hendrix. Maroon 5. Billy Joel.Reel Big Fish. Anberlin. Mae. Family Force 5. AC/DC. Hootie and the Blowfish. Electric Six. Outkast. R.E.M. The White Stripes. Prince. Mika. Crystal Castles. Does It Offend You, Yeah. The Klaxons. Britney Spears. Spice Girls. The Gossip. Lady GaGa. Nirvana. Smashing Pumpkins. Third Eye Blind. Metro Station. Motion City Soundtrack. The Rocket Summer. Tenacious D. Something Corporate. The All-American Rejects. The Moldy Peaches. Cold War Kids. Macy Gray. Mandy Moore. Plain White T’s. Train.Yeah Yeah Yeahs. My Chemical Romance. Fall Out Boy. We the Kings.The Rolling Stones. Angels & Airwaves. The Beastie Boys.The Strokes. Black Eyed Peas. Boys Like Girls. Miley Cyrus. Hannah Montana. Jonas Brothers. Demi Lovato. Selena Gomez. The Cure.Cobra Starship. Death Cab for Cutie. Deftones. Team Sleep. Filter. Goo Goo Dolls. Honor Society.Nevershoutnever! Katy Perry. Kid Cudi. Owl City. WHAT SNSD, DBSK, SUPER JUNIOR, WONDERGIRLS? =D

II. Movies (BOLD THE ONES YOU’VE SEEN)
Pride and Prejudice. Glory Road. The Princess Bride. Goonies. Center Stage.Ocean’s Eleven. Seven. Newsies. 300. Robin Hood Men In Tights. Love Actually. Garden State. Donnie Darko. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless. My Best Friend’s Wedding. Anchorman. Drop Dead Gorgeous. Wedding Crashers. Elf. Zoolander. Austin Powers. Clueless. Mean Girls. Hairspray.Moulin Rouge. Fight Club. Rocky. Pulp Fiction. What A Girl Wants. Kill Bill. Thank You For Smoking. Little Miss Sunshine. Requiem for a Dream. The Departed. Dawn of the Dead. Memento. The Lovely Bones. 17 Again. 8 Mile. Office Space. Snakes on a Plane. Boondock Saints. Say Anything. The Silence of the Lambs. Saving Private Ryan. Superbad.The Prestige. Just Friends. The Devil Wears Prada. Under the Tuscan Sun. Titanic. Steel Magnolias. Saw.Ace Ventura. She’s the Man. Because I Said So. Catch and Release. Music and Lyrics. Spanglish. Stick It. Step Up. The Fast and the Furious. Joyride. Halloween. The Italian Job. Crash. Must Love Dogs. The Last Kiss. Chicago.Harry Potter. Rush Hour. Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Clerks. Shooter. The Bourne Identity. Meet the Parents. Dirty Dancing. A Christmas Story. Rudy.National Treasure. Sleepless in Seattle. Miss Congeniality. The Science of Sleep. The Matrix. Everything is Illuminated. Good Will Hunting. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Empire Records. Phantom of the Opera. Lord of the Rings. Click. Scarface. District 9.

III. TV (BOLD THE ONES YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN A COUPLE OF TIMES)
ER. Grey’s Anatomy. Saved by the Bell. Man vs. Wild. Scrubs. South Park. America’s Next Top Model. Gossip Girl. Sex and the City. Friends. Dawson’s Creek. The Big Bang Theory. Seinfeld. The Office. Lost. Miami Ink. Made. Arrested Development. That 70’s Show. Family Guy. The Simpsons. Veronica Mars. Project Runway. Bones. Iron Chef. Alias. Pushing Dasies. Gilmore Girls. The Colbert Report. The Daily Show.Mythbusters. Avatar: The Last Airbender. Will and Grace. 24. House. To Catch A Predator. Whistler. Heroes. Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Unsolved Mysteries. 7th Heaven. Everybody Loves Raymond. Boston Legal. Bleach. What I Like About You. Reba. King of Queens. Survivor. The O.C. American Idol. Days of Our Lives. How I Met Your Mother. CSI. Boy Meets World.Law and Order. Numbers. Reno 911. I Love New York. Step by Step. Little People Big World. What Not To Wear. My Wife and Kids. Moonlight.Supernatural. Ace of Cakes. White Collar. Nip/Tuck. The Biggest Loser.Beauty and the Geek. Battlestar Galactica. Stargate SG1. The Inferno. Scarred. Wild N Out. Real World. Whose Line is it Anyway?. Trinity Blood. Dead Like Me. Dragon Ball Z. Futurama. Firefly. Medium. Star Trek. X-files. Cowboy BeBop. Sailor Moon. My Name is Earl. Six Feet Under. Dancing With The Stars. Degrassi. Greek. Glee. Secret Life of the American Teenager. The Hills. Laguna Beach. Vampire Diaries.

worst feeling in the world

2010-02-24T15:34:00.002+11:00

for those who saw at lunch today...
fml.
no seriously... nothing can get me more at heart than that..
i felt like screaming, honestly
except i just threw stuff at people
pretending everything was okay...
but damn. it just hurt like hell =="
you know what... imma tell your bestestest friend
and im going to start hating you
and hopefully NEVER talk to you again
because this is the most un-intentionally hurtful thing
you've EVER EVER done
so f@#$ you.

:(

ripped up inside :S

2010-02-20T11:14:00.002+11:00

a part of me wants to blurt out "do you like me or not"
because youre giving me the biggest mixed messages EVER
you put your arm around me, then you turn your backside...
you stare at me when i talk to other guys... you talk about other girls
you say you love me, then ignore me for a while....
i hate to say it, but im falling for you more and more
and at some point soon, ill would have fallen too hard
and i wont be able to pick myself up...
i want to vent about everything about you
im trying to in this post... but i dont know what to say to make me feel better
all i can say is, the end of the school is the best time of the day
but being home is the worst part of the day =X (unless i have work ==' )

stole from queer's gf on tumblr (:

2010-02-16T18:13:00.002+11:00

Has anyone ever tried ruining your relationships?
not taht i know of.. D:

You pashed someone today, didn’t you?
LOL HOW DID YOU KNOW?!... not really =X

What’s something you do when you’re mad?
I dont talk at all

Did you have a good day yesterday?
yeh i had a good DAY :$

Have you done any thing embarrassing lately?
... tried to kick a ball and landed on my butt?

What is something you disliked about your day?
didnt get enough you time :(

How has the past week been for you?
pretty good... ^^

How much money did you spend today?
…$0

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
cant remember who i kissed last..?

Who can make you feel better in a difficult situation?
friends, boys. respectively =D

Does anyone disgust you?
Yes LOL

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
.... :L

Who was the first person you talked to today?
"wake up mum. i have morning class"

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
the new kid? LOL or maybe queer?

Has anyone ever told you they’re in love with you?
.... LNKMDESFIODNOERHIDML :$

Did you have an exciting last weekend?
WORE JUST UNDIES FOR ABOUT AN HOUR >=D

Say your last ex runs up to you and hugs you, what do you do?
hug back =X

Have you ever taken someone back after they hurt you?
><

Do you have a lot on your mind at the moment?
a little on the heavier side. so yeh

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?
nah

Would you prefer being locked in a room with your ex or your worst enemy?
… LOL errr ex?

Did anyone yell at you today?
Probably :D

Are you wearing any make up right now?
nah bro :L

Has anyone disappointed you recently?
A.A =X

Anything you’re giving up on?
being friends with you ><

How long have you gone without sleeping?
now? 12 hours i think -shrugs-

What does your hair look like now?
oogly

Do you wanna be rich and/or famous?
rich :D

Do you like to play with fire?
YES 8)

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
yeh :$

How are you feeling?
all butterfly-y from all these questions

Is there something you’re not looking forward to?
leaving school

Do you get angry easily?
mhmm

Next thing someone will buy for you?
PROBABLY A TNT OR SOMETHING

Looking foward to anything?
tomorrow is school :D

What time are you getting up tomorrow?
6am fml :(

Confessions of a peg-a-holic :$

2010-02-15T19:39:00.002+11:00

1. Im scared to tease you about him in case you fall for him and he hurts you
2. Knowing that you and him are "together" gives me a weird feeling...
3. When you said you loved me... i fell in love with you again
4. I was massively hurt to see you changed your facebook status change and you didnt even tell me, you changed it when i was in china... how heartless of you. i actually cried because i knew this was the end of our friendship :(
5. im scared 2010 will screw me over
6. My last 'relationship' taught me not to fall for someone that hard, i learnt from it but yet i still did
7. Almost of my Tumblr is dedicated to you D:
8. I talk about you a lot because it relieves me and i know that everyone is probably sick of it
9. The day i landed in Australia... i was actually very scared of coming to school. I kept on thinking that the new kids would take over and take all my friends and convince them to hate me :$
10. I miss you unbelieveably Calvin He....
11. When i heard your name mentioned at year assembly i immediately sat up but then i sank back down again when i realised that i was surrounded by my guy friends. im scared you'll think im a slut
12. It actually hurts a lot when i see "red" with you :(
13. I love my group way way more than him. but i never find the words to say it
14. Im scared to talk to sydney tech guys now
15. If i wasnt so much in love with him, i would have fallen for you by now
16. I like the teasing... most of the time (:
17. After last night, i secretly to myself hope that one day, two boys will fight it out for me. but im sure that if that day comes, i wont want it
18. Im scared that one day ill burst out into tears at school and scare the new kids
19. Im terrified of loneliness...
20. Crying right because of 10 .... sigh... i did on valentines day as well... thanks for making an example in what a friend is like...

...

2010-02-14T01:38:00.001+11:00

those piercing words of yours =(

I AM BACK =D

2010-02-13T01:09:00.002+11:00

thankyou ebony for pointing that out ! :D
and first comments in a LONG time by rosa haha :')
.
anyways...
YOU GRRR... i hate you D:
my mood evolved around you
morning, saw you > happy
saw you with her > unhappy
saw you dance > happy
saw you walk away > unhappy
saw you come over to me > happy
class > unhappy
prefect induction > happy
catering for you > happy xD
picking a rose for you > happy
waiting to give you a rose > nervous D:
giving you the rose > scared
you walking away from me > cutttttt D:
seeing you with other girls > unhappy
you gave me a rose > happy
looked at it, over thought things > unhappy
saw you after school with my rose in your hand > happy
saw that you had another rose in your hand > unhappy
gave me a chocolate > happy
sat together on train > happy
your station > unhappy
thought of you >happy

-hours past-

you told me about another girl > extremely sadasuoifhkekfheifa
your dedication > really happy :D
"<3"> happier :)
went to shower/eat > missed you :$
waited for you to come back > very tired
you came back > happy
told you to sleep > satifisied (:

welcome me home (:

2010-02-08T15:00:00.001+11:00

IM BACK TOMORROW! :)

so i guess this goodbye

2010-01-18T23:43:00.002+11:00

GOODBYE BLOGGER
.
ILL BE BACK ON THE 9TH, SCHOOL ON THE 10TH :)

track me down before i take the dive

2010-01-13T00:09:00.002+11:00

we get so difficult for what we are
we're just friends, yeh i might just like you
but we're just friends!
why do we always fight :(
why is that when we do fight... its always so intense?
i find myself glued to this stupid box of mixed wires
and i cant pull myself away because i know not everything is okay between us
but most of all, it feels like im at war with myself
because really.. IT HURTS =="
but the stuff we said afterwards...
i guess, it made me realise
that you're really worth fighting for
but fighting you FOR you
seems hopeless
gah im hopeless
im glad you thanked me things you wouldnt tell anyone else
guess made me feel special?
but im sorry i cant really tell you about anything
because well... do you really wanna listen about you? (:
.
i just wish you knew that i only get upset at people i trust
and even though i might be saying all this hurtful things...
im really saying that i trust you to be there for me :$
argh i cant believe im even saying this crap ... D:
its like im head over heels for you
and im starting to believe it too ><
but i dont mind falling for you
because you when we really want to...
we understand each other
and i dont know.. tahts the kind of person im looking for? ><
but we're pretty similar..
which wont be a good thing after a while... right? :S
we both do things on impulse and act on our feelings
so we'd be a troublesome pair...
hmmm =="
but it'll be worth it =X

Heres to you; SJF (L)

2010-01-08T21:33:00.002+11:00

Funerals are horrible.
There is no way to describe it,
you get there and you immediately fall apart
everyone's smiling but you can tell that deep down they're aching.
and thats exactly how i felt...
.
when we first got there there was a smidge of sadness
but i thought id get through it
considering how much i cried beforehand...
first big blow of sadness came across
when i standing outside the door before we went in,
two people who mean so much to me
were standing infront of me, crying.
Eyes a puffy red, tissues in hand.
These people where his parents, my grandparents.
If this is the pain that i felt, i can only imagine how much this hurts them...
within seconds, my dad started crying
and trust me.. i was holding it back so badly.
.
After meeting new people/relatives
i was able to smile again (Y)
but then my cousin came up to me
and gave me the biggest hug ever
first time id seen him in more than 3 years...
it was one of those perfect hugs to cry in ><
where you felt like you could trust them so much to cry and cry
thats the thing i love about my cousin
he had sunglasses on, but you could see through them
thats what hurt...
.
while walking inside,
my grandparents held hands and cried together
cutest thing under the worst circumstances...
we sat at the dead front...
.
but when i did my speech
i basically... crashed :(
i started crying unbelievably
my legs turned into jelly and well.. it sucked.
it was the hardest things i had ever done
but i guess im glad i did
i just hope you would have been proud
.
i wish we'd spent more time together
i wish i came to realise how talented and special you are
and continue to be.
im sorry that i didnt take the time
im sorry that we ran out of time
i would change it if i could
.
.
i dont really wanna finish this...
so i wont :(

Heres to the year ahead

2010-01-02T16:14:00.003+11:00

In 2009 I...
[ ] Dumped someone
[ ] Was dumped by someone
[xxx] Dyed my hair
[x] Failed a class
[ ] Fell in love
[ ] Had love at first sight
[ ] Had more than one boyfriend/ girlfriend
[ ] Snuck out of my house
[x] Stayed up all night
[x] Cried because I missed someone
[ ] Had detention(s)
[x] Missed curfew
[ ] Kissed someone who I regret kissing
[x] Danced crazily with my friends all night
[x] Gained confidence
[x] Lost a friend
[x] Gained new friends
[xxx] Changed my look

In 2010 I want to...
[ ] Be more outgoing
[x] Get better grades
[ ] Care less about how I look
[x] Care more about how I look
[ ] Be crazier
[x] Get a new bf/ gf
[ ] Stay with the bf/ gf I have right now
[x] Keep my resolution
[x] To be more of myself around people

In 2009, my age was: 14 > 15

A word to describe 2009: AWWWWWWEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOMMMMMEEEEEE

In 2010 I will be turning: the sweetest kind of 16 xD

Something I want to happen in 2010: get a bf >=D

Something I don't want to happen in 2010: my group to split up :(

My theme song to 2009 would be: gosh i dont know D:

My favorite colour in 2009: red

My best friends in 2009: EBONY alvi joannie lisa jenny judy nina ann lucyh etc etc you know who you are :P

Honestly, will you miss 2009: honestly... yes, a lot :(

so.angry.that.i'll.pretend.i'm.fine.by.doing.a.quiz

2009-12-29T00:29:00.002+11:00

I avoid some people on purpose
I’ve thought about cheating
I hate the way I look most of the time
I actually like the way I look most of the time
I’ve been swimming in an ocean
I’ve been swimming in a lake
I have a sibling
I have pets - do you couldnt my sister as one?
I’ve been on vacation recently
I love meeting new people
I am insanely shy
I’m on a sports team
My best friend is a boy > one of ?
I play music
I don’t remember the last time I mailed a letter
I talk on the phone almost every night
I drink milk almost every day
I’ve kissed someone in a bathroom
I’ve kissed someone in bed
I’ve kissed someone at school - heh heh heh
I’ve kissed someone I just met
I’ve kissed a good friend
I like to read
I like to watch tv
I couldn’t care less about video games
I hate my mom and dad
I’ve had a crush on someone for 5+ years
I’ve never asked someone out
I can touch my nose with my tongue
I love pizza
I actually love going grocery shopping
I love to travel
I’ve been to another continent
I wish I had time to watch more movies
I miss being a little kid
I’ve been to a public pool recently
Summer is my favorite time of the year
Winter is my favorite time of the year
I have a favorite holiday
I have a favorite holiday other than Christmas
I’ve been to a concert recently this year
I drive
I have my own car
My room is almost always messy
I’m listening to music right now
Music helps me work
The last person I texted was a boy
I want a new phone really bad
I love cartoons family guy.
The last thing I drank was water
I used to play with barbies
I collect something
I’ve been to a carnival recently
I know what syncopation is
I need to charge my phone
I have a huge crush on someone right now
I’ve kissed someone within the last 24 hours
I’m still in my pyjamas
I have to go to school tomorrow > i wish :(
I need to clean something
I’ve hurt myself on purpose
I’ve thrown up on purpose
I’ve broken a bone
I’ve eaten something weird
I’m an extremely picky eater
I’ve been out to eat recently
I love going to the mall
I hate big groups
I remember the last party I went to
I’m on the phone right now
I’m watching tv right now
I’m eating right now
I’m on the phone, watching tv, and eating right now
People say I’m funny
People say I’m pretty
I’ve been told that I have gorgeous eyes
I need new clothes really badly
My hair is up right now
I need to shave my legs
I remember the last time I went to the doctor
I actually use my locker at school
I get good grades
I have a MySpace
I showered last night
I spy with my little eye something that is green
I spy with my little eye something that is round
I spy with my little eye something that is broken
I’ve had surgery
Someone I know has died
Someone I know has had cancer
It’s past my bedtime
I’ve moved before
I’ve moved 4+ times
I’ve gotten something removed
People tell me that I have good hair
People tell me that they like my clothes
I wish I had some money right now
I have a job
I need a job
I actually got a stupid class ring
I’m listening to someone talking right now
I wish I could talk to the boy I like right now > i am.. unfortunately =="
I’ve kissed someone in front of my parents
I’ve kissed someone on New Year’s
I love Halloween
I remember the last time I tripped
I can see a picture of me from where I’m sitting
I can see my reflection from where I’m sitting
I’m kinda scared of the dark
It’s hard to sleep with the door open
It’s hard to sleep without a blanket
It’s morning
I played soccer when I was little
I played basketball when I was little
My ears are pierced
My belly button is pierced
I plan on going to college
I plan on getting married
I plan on having some kids
I babysit
I still get an allowance
I curse a lot
I got so drunk last night
I’ve been to a wedding recently
I’ve met someone special on vacation
I have an accent
I know someone who has been homeschooled
I know someone in a band
I can sing really well
I can dance really well > sigh.. i guess im alright
I’ve never slow danced with anyone
I suck at spelling
I suck at math
I recycle
I am pro-choice
I know some rednecks
I want to get a tattoo
I want to get a new piercing
I hate MTV and VH1
I miss an ex
I still love an ex
I’ve slapped someone > SORRY ROBERT Dx
I’ve punched someone > not in the face :P
I’ve been told that I have a nice butt
I think my boobs are too small
I wish I could lose some weight
I can play the guitar
I can speak another language
I am fluent in another language
I can play the piano
I’ve been told that I can’t dance
I’m a cheerleader
I have a sweet tattoo
I have a sweet facial piercing
I need to practice something
I want to go to Mexico
I want to go to Canada
I’ve traveled across the country
I live on the east coast
I went to the beach last summer
I remember the last time I was insanely sunburned
I like to waste time
I like to sleep
I think I’m going to get asked out soon
I keep a journal
I don’t remember the last dream I had
My first kiss kinda sucked
I think smoking cigarettes is gross
I’m wearing something that belongs to someone else
My mom fixed the last meal I had
I’ve never gotten my nails done
I should be doing homework right now
I’m adopted
I love sappy movies
I love horror movies
I love musicals
I’ve seen a broadway show
The last person I hugged was my mom
All of my grandparents are alive
I miss my boyfriend
I haven’t talked to my best friend all day
People tell me that I’m short
Sometimes my socks don’t match
I can’t wait till my birthday
I’m a procrastinator
I’m not like everyone else
I like strawberries
I like thunderstorms
Someone’s mad at me right now
I hate when people are rude
I’m an optimist
My first relationship ended badly
I love when boys hold doors open
I’ve kissed 2+ people in one day
I’ve had a boy sleep over at my house
I bite my nails
I’ve been caught doing drugs
I’ve been caught cheating
I haven’t been to Disneyland/Disneyworld
I’ve passed out from drinking
I get angry easily
I’m laid back
I hate most girls
I love getting new shoes
I hate Chinese food
I don’t remember the last time I was grounded
I’ve been in love before
I’ve been cheated on
There are certain songs that remind me of my ex
I gave someone their first kiss
I straighten my hair more often than I should
I’ve been to a funeral this year
I am insanely hungry right now

.
okay BLEH gotta vent now :(
im so angry at you ... gah and you're probably guilty..
i feel like such a bitch because i wasnt upset at you before
annoyed maybe.. but not pissed off
sigh... i wish i could take back everything..
but i know that this is what i was really thinking/feeling
so i shouldnt want to take it back...
gah fml

big fish, little fish, cardboard box

2009-12-27T01:32:00.003+11:00

do i even like you?
a part of me hates you
a part of me enjoys your company.
i dont get excited when you reply to me anymore,
i just get frustrated that im going to have to once again,
re-ignite the convo
and i try, i try so hard.
i am fed up :(
.
today at work
you were all i could think of
and my manager noticed
and he pulled me aside
i told him about you... i felt comfortable telling him though
i felt like crying infront of him
but i didnt, because people care too much
.
i listened to big fish, little fish, cardboard box
and now im feeling better :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2009-12-25T00:17:00.001+11:00

:)

if the title didnt say enough...

MERRY CHRISTMAS~!!!!

because this is always how it ends up

2009-12-22T22:51:00.002+11:00

everyone seems so disapproving,
go and hate him, make it a joke.
im starting not to care anymore...
it hurts everytime, yeh it actually does.
it brings me down. and funnily enough
out of the two times, its been in a group convo.
you know.. at first i thought
"hey this might actually be fun"
because i knew that even though hes the guy,
hes JUST a guy and he wont hurt me that much
but surprisingly, its not even him...
its the negative comments, its the "i hate him"
thats what hurts me most.
i can however, think of a few who have supported me throughout
frick this hurts.
.
.
you've changed so mcuh
make me feel worthless all the time
make me feel like you dont want me in your life
i tried pulling you back
but you ran away, over and over
to other friends
and now, now ive stopped trying
so dont complain you're left out
because you did that to yourself
we invite you to everything
but you're always with someone else
so its not MY fault
.
.
you really want to be cool...
and youd do anything for it to happen
sorry to say this, but to me
you're degrading yourself
and it annoys me so much
because nothing else really matters to you, does it?
.
just like her, except you want the guys
you wanna be cool with the guys
well you are? and thats not enough for you
i dont even know what ever is anymore
dont even know you anymore :(

good start to the day so far =X

2009-12-20T03:01:00.002+11:00

reminised and played pictionary with alvi,
its 3:02AM
talked non-stop with you... :)
we were nice today :$
i found myself blushing like crazy hahaa ^^
ANYWAYS GOSH! why am i blogging this..

this is just plain lame
i am so embarrassed :$
but in a good way ^^

ew3bwraefirhosdchsx

another quiz :L

2009-12-20T01:09:00.002+11:00

Name everyone you kissed this year:
mummy and daddy and my sister :D

Did your last kiss mean anything to you?
what last kiss?

How many people have you had strong romantic feelings for this year?
probably just one

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
yehs

Is it awkward when you run into your ex's?
rofl did once... goddamn, i ran away.

Is there one person you look at and automatically smile?
yehs :(

Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night

Who do you blame for your bad mood today?
him =X

Who's the last person who you went out to eat with?
cant remember :S

Are you comfortable hanging out with your friend's boyfriends/girlfriends?
ROFL yeh im really good at 3rd wheeling :L

Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
LOL!

Anything happened to you in the past month that made you really mad?
Yes

Are there any people who don't like you?
hahaha yeh im sure of it :D

What's on your schedule for tomorrow?
work 4-8pm

Do you remember names or faces better?
Faces obviously

What were you doing last night at midnight?
talking to people/person :(

Waiting for something?
Yes

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
always

Have you ever kissed underwater?
LOL wtf? :'D

Do you still talk to the person you last kissed?
yehs

What did you do today?
work 6 - 12

Did you have a dream last night?
same one as before =X nina will know what im takling about LOL

Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to, and your sure they wont tell?
mhmm

Would you care if you saw the person you like, kissing someone else?
WTF OF COURSE

What’s something that’s bothering you?
he likes her D:

Do you miss anyone right now?
yeh :(

Do you change your phone background a lot?
Nope. default photo

Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast?
really fast :L

Do you wish you could ever hug yourself to see if you’re a good hugger?
HAHAHA no... but now i do! D:

Can you commit to one person?
yes, i actually can if i wanted to.

Do you miss your past?
in some ways

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
yep

What's your relationship between you and the last person you talked to?
which one? nina, joannie or phil?

How much cash do you have on you?
a few cents

Are you a shy person or outgoing?
i am shy when im around a new bunch of people, but usually outgoing

If someone were to ask you if you were okay right now, are you?
honestly? no not really ><

What would you do with a $100 bill you found on the ground?
save it

Where is your cell phone?
good question :|

Is the last person you hugged older than you?
... yehs :$

Are you easy to get along with?
not really D:

Are you a loud person?
sometimes

Do you like to cuddle?
yehs :$

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
yeh probably, doesnt mean im going to! >=(

Do you hate being the first person to start a conversation?
you have no freaking idea =="

Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
cold shoulder

Are you tired right now?
yehs

Who did you first see this morning besides family?
myself! oh owned.

Are all of your friends in relationships?
a lot of them x_x

At the moment, are you more warm or cold?
Warm

How long is your hair?
which hair? ;D

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex?
yeh

What's the book you're reading called?
dont read books

Have you ever told someone you loved them?
yeh, only ever meant to once

Is there anyone you wouldn't mind punching?
mhmm

Ever kissed in the rain?
No

Is there anyone you want to come see you?
Yehs

How did you meet the last male you texted?
jake - work

Last time you heard someone singing?
now. its called itunes (Y)

What time are you going to bed tonight?
waiting on him ==". asshole

Who did you last call?
mum

ffs.

2009-12-19T17:15:00.002+11:00

"hello my name is amy :). i know took me a while to find this new post... xD but i got here right? :D

im going to miss being annoyed and upset over the littlest things like boys :). when i get to year ten... im not even sure that i would be affected by these creatures as much as now and as much as before :)"

i was wrong. so so wrong...
heartbroken, yet again :(
argh.
stop
leading
me
on
i hate you .

because this is how boring my life is :D

2009-12-19T01:38:00.003+11:00

THIS YEAR I.

(x) stayed single for the whole year - way to me feel lonely =X
( ) made out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) celebrated Halloween
( ) kissed in the rain
(X) had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else’s heart
( ) had a stalker - i was a stalker too -hi5-
(X) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(X) had a good relationship with someone
(x) someone questioned your sexual orientation - QUEER IN YEAR 11 HAHAHA NOOB
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) had an abortion
( ) have a relationship with someone you’ll never forget
(X) done something you’ve regretted
(X) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe
( ) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
(X) ran a mile (probably)
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
(x) posted a blog
(X) listened to music you couldn’t stand
(x) went to a sleepover
(x) went camping
(x) threw a surprise party
(X) laughed till you cried
(... xLOL) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) visited a foreign country
(X) cut in a line of waiting people
(X) told someone you were busy when you weren’t
(x) partied to celebrate the new year
(X) cooked a disastrous meal
(XX) lost something/someone important to you
(x) broke a promise
(X) lied
(x) went behind your parents back
(X) cried over a broken heart
(X) disappointed someone close
(X) hid a secret
(X) pretended to be happy
( ) slept under the stars
( ) kept your new years resolution
(X) forgot your new years resolution (LOL)
(X) met someone who changed your life
(x) met one of your idols
(X) changed your outlook on life
(X) sat home all day doing nothing (story of my life)
(X) pretended to be sick
(x) left the country
( ) almost died
(X) given up something important to you
( ) lost something expensive
(X) learned something new about yourself
(x) tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it - asian music :L
(X) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(X) met great people
(X) stayed up til sunrise
(X) Cried over the silliest thing
( ) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(X) had friends who were drifting away from you
(x) had someone close to you die
(X) had a high cell phone bill
(X) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
(X) went to the beach with (some of) your best friend(s)
( ) saw a celebrity
(X) gotten sick
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time - WTF
(X) became closer with a lot of people
.
i really like you :(

all i really hope for, is that you never read my blog

2009-12-17T21:23:00.003+11:00

lol :(
knew this would happen
but not so soon...?
wish you were neutral... wish you didnt have to like her
it hurts... so... much
right when i was getting a kick out of this
wish this turns into a week thing
really really hope so
dont want to spend my holidays moping around x_x
far out. stop using that face... KFWGUDIJNKRFHODN
.
note to audience, this bit is weird
because i feel upset and angry
so i thought id express my emotions as a joking way
it doesnt hurt as much (Y)
.
you're such an ass...
an ass with a huge piece of shit oozing out
you're that bright orange piece of carrot
that stomach acids just cant get rid of
you're in the freaking toilet
and i can flush you down WHENNEEVVERRR i want
as they say, "if its yellow, let it mellow. if its brown, flush it down"
WELL YOU'RE SO BROWN YOU'RE BLACK
the funny thing is, you're not only the piece of crap
BUT you're also the toilet paper
BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ASSWHIPE
.
okay that was surprisingly comforting :)
.
goodnight blogger!
THANKS FOR CHEERING ME UP =D

thank god for last weeks <3

2009-12-16T19:25:00.000+11:00

LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL IS ALWAYS FUN!!

need to blog about it laterrsss

but now! going out for dinner

my invite .. again! why do i have to earn money for... NO REALLY WHY?!

i only have 6 bucks in my bank account =X

no, not about formal either...

2009-12-15T18:50:00.003+11:00

you're music makes me have butterflies fml
i dont know what this feeling is...
i realised that it hurts me
i dont show it... but a lot of you breaks me
you ACTUALLY have a huge effect on me
who are you? just some boy really
and i dont like it how you can make me smile
or make me upset for the rest of the day
and today, you did both.
you're so ... mean! i somehow find it amazingly cute
i find your weirdness entertaining
you're hideous too!
and i still find it cute... Zzzz
why? why whywhywhywhywhywhy
i've never felt so insecure about the way i am
because i feel like im not good enough for you =X
i feel like you're better than me in everything im good at
because well.. you are?
and every mistake you make, you smile it off
and it makes me smile x_x
i thought this would last.. a week max?
but i feel like im falling deeper...
i feel so vulnerable
which isnt very... me
im the kind of girl who doesnt care what everyone else thinks
but you... you're changing me... i'm more asian now D:
i find it hard to be myself around you
because we're so different, but we're the same
makes no sense...
but this WHOLE THING makes me no sense
i absolutely hate feeling this way
being captured by you and everything :(
.
havent had such a lovey dovey blog in a long time
so there... thats what im thinking/feeling right now...

#360 - ill blog about formal some other time

2009-12-12T13:35:00.002+11:00

7 SINS SURVEY
Wrath
[ ]Sworn at your parents?
[ ]Hated them?
[x]Been furious with a friend?
[x]Angry at someone for no reason?
[x]Hated a friend?
[x]Held a grudge?
[x]Sought revenge?
[x]Yelled at a friend?
[ ]Hit a wall in rage?

Greed
[ ]Had desire for excess money?
[x]Wanted more of something when you had enough?
[x]Kept to yourself instead of sharing?
[x]Wanted more than you have?

Pride
[x]Bragged to someone?
[x]Had an ego trip?
[x]Felt better than those around you?
[x]Felt "too good" to do something?
[x]Felt like you didn't need offered help?
[x]Talked about yourself too much?
[x]Basked in your accomplishments?
[x]Felt like nobody was as good as you?

LOL TOO MUCH PRIDE :'D

Envy
[x]Wanted something a friend owned?
[x]Felt jealous of a friends talents?
[x]Felt envious of someones accomplishments?
[x]Or of their grades?
[ ]Or their salary and or amount of cash?
[ ]What about someone else's clothes?
[x]Appearance or looks?

Lust
[x]Ever liked a friends bf/gf?
[ ]Had dirty thoughts of someone you werent dating?
[ ]Been in a suggestive situation with a friend?
If so, whom?
[ ]Had dirty thoughts of your bf/gf?
[ ]Been to 1st base?
[ ]2nd?
[ ]3rd?
[ ]4th?

Sloth
[x]Put off a huge project till the last day?
[x]Planned your day but not acted upon it?
[x]Thought of something but didn't feel like doing it?
[x]Ignored homework in a class your failing?
[x]Told yourself "I'll do it later"?
[x]Slept in past noon?
[x]Sat on the sofa for hours on a beautiful day?
[x]Not wanted to do anything physical?

Im a sloth as well? D:

Gluttony
[x]Pigged out?
[x]Till your stomach hurt?
[ ]Blown your paycheck in one day?
[ ]Wasted your money?
[ ] Spent a lot on yourself but not others?
[x] Hogged something?
[x]Kept doing something even though you told yourself to stop?

According to this quiz...im such a bad person D:

and it feels like we belong together (8)

2009-12-08T18:40:00.002+11:00

i havent been worried about formal
i still need to buy shoes, a clutch, jewellery and hair stuff
why im not stressing you ask?
because it doesnt really matter to me :)
and i hate formal shopping, so im belaying it as much as possible xD
.
for some reason, i feel very busy with everything!
but there isnt really anything that needs to be done (apart from formal)
i should really de-stress and relax
but i just cant...
and i cant do any work either!
i tried to help with phil's assessment
but i just couldnt put myself to sit down and research
it was sooo hard D: but i tried?
i did a crap job of it though haha xD
sorry phillip enego :)
.
work... its pretty LAME now :S
kind of boring now that the manager who im tight with
isnt really working anymore
because hes got other commitments (yeh i know)
getting uni 'on-the-job experience'
now work is starting to become a chore
they always put me on till so late.. it annoys me tbh
i rather crappy 4 hour shifts than like 6pm - 12am =="
i need my freaking sleep :(
.
i miss hanging out with my friends! D:
been so hectic lately with everything
like src, multicultural day etc
.
MULTICULTURAL DAY <3 :)
it was amazing fun
except when i felt sick, threw up on stage
dont worry guys.. i swallowed xD
because im clean (H) LMAO
i was damn tired throughout
didnt take away the enthusiasm though :D
when i was dizzy/sick
the year 10/11 chicks took awesome care of me xD
oh and we now have fans LOL YAY
i feel famous
yes im so lame :)
.
.
i like a boy :D

remember when

2009-11-26T20:47:00.002+11:00

remember when we used to stay up talking hours on end?

remember when we used to be heaps tight back " in the day"

no matter how close i get to my guy friends

they cant really replace you

i stopped talking to all your friends because of you

i know you got hurt that i talked to them a lot more than you

and then i stopped

i stopped for you and you didnt appreciate it

i miss you so much

so much that i hate me, you and them.

they came between us,

and i went with them...

why didnt you stop me...?

when i came back for you

you were gone... you found another best girl friend

and i didnt know what to do

yeh im jealous, like you were.. if anything, more

you ditched me for her on the night

on the night, i was pretty miserable

even if i could have come, you wouldnt have changed it

i miss your sisters asking you about me

i miss being the question mark in the back of your mind

someone jokingly described you as an asshole today

i agreed, i dont know if i was joking though

i dont talk to him much either

in fact, i dont talk to any sydney tech guys anymore

at first, i had one close friend

then two

then 3; 4...

then i ended up knowing a lot of people

it was like a plauge, except worst...

the more friendships i made, the more i lost

i was at the point where i had more distant friends

then close friends

i said to myself that we're all still close, it was only distance that seperated

i was proved wrong...

not even a hi, not a " how are you ''

only a " sorry i got to go" or a silence...

i miss being excited every second friday

i miss getting lost in the city

i miss laughing at us being stupid

i miss the goodmornings (#)

i miss the hour-long goodnights

i miss the deep and meaningfuls

i miss the secrets

i miss the happiness

i miss the love

i miss the friendship

i miss us

i miss me

i miss you

Didn’t feel like anything else

2009-11-25T21:48:00.001+11:00

So what am I meant to do?

Sit here, watch you leave?

Im not good at being patient and im not good without you L

You said you wanted a best friend… I tried to give you that

But you never wanted it enough, enough to try to keep in contact

Its okay, life gets too busy for best friends

What about adults?

They have best friends… but they hardly ever see each other

Its so hard… maybe I just need to think that we are best friends

But we're older now and we don't NEED to cling onto each other for every second

We are allowed to separate for weeks at a time without feeling lonely

But why am I still so childish?

letting the words slip through my fingers

2009-11-24T19:46:00.002+11:00

Z.
you're always first. always. (the irony of the Z) i dont think you quite know who much you mean to me :S i realise how much my mood reflects on how we're doing... when we were fighting, it felt like me against the world. but when we're great, i enjoy life. worst thing is, i know you dont have the same idea as me?
.
M.
i asked him about everything and he was pretty shocked that someone would think that? i honestly was pretty shocked... and well, i dont believe you. at. all. dont lie, it'll hurt her, him and even me
.
M.
you're stronger than i thought. you're stronger than YOU thought. im proud of you for it. you're absolutely amazing, i wish you knew that. you're damn close to perfection. you deserve ANYONE in the whole world, even that random asian celeb :L
.
B.
you're really flirty compared to before... you used to be a quiet little girl, but you have changed so incredibly much. out of curiousity... do you feel guilty?
.
L.
you care about your appearance way more than you should. you are so pretty in a lot of ways, but you look into the mirror and dont like what you see... but why?
.
D.
to me, you havent really changed. i think its because im a tad self-centered and only realise that it is me who has changed.
.
B.
why do you get annoyed whenever i talk to your friends? i wish you actually realised... i met you through a friend.. and you know what? im trying for you, i dont talk to them anymore because of you. so i sure hope you realise and talk to me... but you're not going to because i know your very stubborn that way. because its sooo you to turn your back on someone and pretend they arent there. i know you well enough to know when your upset, angry and frustrated. i just wished you would let me help you
.
JJJLO
i never realised how much you can miss a group of people until camp... like... wow :S it would have been the best camp ever if you were there :(

if this ever gets read by you

2009-11-14T11:06:00.003+11:00

“It’s okay. Really, it is. But I’m just scared that.. that it’s gonna be like this more and more as time goes on. That we’ll eventually stop having time for each other. That we’ll grow apart. I don’t want to grow apart. I don’t want to lose you. But I’m scared that I will. I understand, that I can’t always be there for you. But I want to, as much as I can be there, letting you know that you will make it. Please let me be there. I can’t lose you"

Secret: im not quite sure why im upset at you, and why im angry, but i am. i really really am. In the mix of our silent convosations and lack of time, we slowly drifted.

bbl, work called me in

just felt like blogging

2009-11-08T09:19:00.002+11:00

school cert is coming up soon,
by soon i mean tomorrow =\
should really study, but cbb :(
i have this crappy feeling that im going to get a band 4 =\
because i always do so crap... D:
but last year... band 4 people were people who were like....
no in the top 25% of the grade... so what does that mean? :S
thats pretty low isnt it...?
isnt it?
.
.
well, i cant say it isnt my fault about the whole camp activities
because i did screw it up, but i guess...
wouldnt everyone do that? just so their own group could be together?
i thought that if i sorted it out beforehand... it would turn out alright
you see, i didnt plan this... it just happened... it wasnt me who forgot people...
now i wont point the finger or anything, but just because im not one of you
doesnt mean it was all my fault
oh yeh... thought id point out that... if you wasnt with my group... both your groups would have been scattered... because by the time everyone came... the groups were basically all gone
so what can i say...
im giving you permission to bitch about me...
pretend you hate me... its okay, seriously
just please dont bitch about the friends in your own group
i can take it, because im not your best friend
and i understand why you would want to...
this is weird i know.. :S but i dont mind so much anymore...
.
thanks for telling me, i really respect you for saying sorry and confessing :)

It was not very nice of you

2009-10-28T20:46:00.001+11:00

It's the feeling when you get when someone points out something bad about you… their words pierce through your spine when they talk about it as though they have the perfect life, the personality…

Then they start saying horrible things about themselves, saying "I think im a terrible person." Or "everyday, I feel as though everyone else is better than me."

I get how sometimes you feel as though sometimes people are smarter, prettier, more liked than you. In the end, does saying you feel that way do any difference? To me, it just frustrates me because you make it feel as though im the one at fault, that its me who is hurting you. You call me all this load of crap, and you still expect me to comfort you.

What benefit did you have by saying I got jealous easier than everyone else? Yeh, I know I get jealous very often… but what's your point? Why do you need to yet again remind me of my imperfections? Then you say "Yet even more, you're very defensive" I am STILL waiting for my response. I'm not lying because I do get jealous easy, and I am very defensive. I'm also pretty annoying, weird and get frustrated and stressed very easily. Then I say as a JOKE "yeh well… you're up yourself" then you go on about how you hate your life. What did you expect me to say? Did you want me to put my arm over you and say that you're a great person and that life is unfair? Do you want me to LIE to you? I told you that you'll get over it… no need to start swearing at me?

Life is not as bad as everyone puts it. In most cases, we get over things and we continue living. Is it really that hard? We're still kids; we are allowed to make mistakes. Stop thinking you're perfect…

You have done more harm to everybody else's lives, than harm to your own

Has everyone been studying hard? :)

2009-10-28T14:50:00.001+11:00

Lets make a blog post on Microsoft office xD

Yay for me J

:(

2009-10-23T16:29:00.002+11:00

i still check blogger everyday
i have nothing to say
but i was hoping SOMEONE did
damn! BLOG MORE PEOPLE :L

That was when...

2009-10-19T22:00:00.002+11:00

That was when she stopped trying
That was when she stopped crying
That was when she stopped caring
That was when she stopped giving
That was when she stopped worrying
That was when she stopped learning
That was when she stopped teaching
That was when she stopped bitching
That was when she stopped messing around
That was when she stopped loving
That was when she stopped working
That was when she stopped texting
That was when she stopped folding
That was when she stopped needing
That was when she stopped wanting
That was when she stopped lying
That was when she stopped giving a fuck

Sudden realisation

2009-10-17T08:25:00.002+11:00

i dont even like him :S:S
i dont...? im 90% sure
i think its because i am sooooo bored
with my life, and so boy-less
that i found the closest guy to "like"
thats slack.. i know
so i guess thats the end of that? :L
he is a bit too much of a pretty boy tbh LMAO
and pretty boring sometimes
hahahaha! im so slack
but yeh... my 3 day thing is over now
i dont know to be happy or upset xDD

my day :(

2009-10-15T21:02:00.002+11:00

it was CRAP!! didnt end up going :(

he cancelled on me

but i had to cancel on him anyways...

so it wasnt meant to be xD

we decided maybe tomorrow?

but then no. he got home...

found out he has a family friend's picnic

I OFFICIALLY HATE PICNICS arrgh

hmm... my manager isnt as... awesome as i thought :S

ive been hearing stories

and its so... i dont know =\

thought he was the innocent, school-type dude

ehh oh wells?

there goes a role model

ARGH! i hate that big-boob bum :(

shes always there

and she follows him

im like :@:@ ARGH! YOU'RE SO CLINGY

but they are tight

so i have nfi

tomorrow night.. its going to be us 3 working...

i bet ill feel like im third wheeling.. FML

thankyou for sticking up for me today :)

yeh everyone... really meant a lot

even if things arent 100% atm...

especially to you,

who made me feel pretty even if shit is happening

by saying the most randomest things to make me laugh

and talking about your cat and dog to make me smile.

if i ever find a chocoholic rehab, we'll go join it together

i promise :)

the more nina does, the more i do :P

2009-10-15T00:38:00.002+11:00

hi, i’m: amy :)
how do you pronounce your name? yma
what is your age backwards? 51
how do you feel today? i feel in love today :)

friendship:
who are your best friend(s)? :):)
what friend do you tell EVERYTHING to? :):)
what friend makes the most perverted jokes? err.. me :)
who do you talk to the most in person? who knows :L

back to school:
what grade are you goin into? 11 :S
which period are you doing the best at? girl periods... lets just say.. it comes naturally :P
which period are you doing the worse at? english
Which teacher do you fear the most? none really... they fear me >=D
are you changing to a new school this year? PSH NO!! (L)
is someone else changing schools? uhmm.. i dont know?
who was your second grade crush? didnt have one :L

childhood:
what did you want your job to be? a lot of things.. ballerina... fire truck.. all the rest of it :P
who is your favorite teacher out of all of them? i cant remember
what was one reason you cried? uhmm... gosh so many to choose from :L
what shows did you never want to miss? art attack, simpsons

favorites:
chocolate: Cadbury or Lindt? cadbury
color: red red red
shoe brand: converse
website: facebook :'D
theme park: ooft.. all of the above :P
instrument: piano? ... no idea
song: too many
what grade do you miss the most?: 7/8
who’s the first friend that comes to your mind that you miss? calvin :)
what else do you miss? im missing my work shirt? :P

lies:
ever signed up for those online dating sites? HAHAHAH no
ever lied about your age? yeh :D restaurants are cheaper that way!! :)
to impress someone? probably? i dont know cant remember
to freeload? whats freeload?
ever used someone? HAHAHA yehh :D

this or that:
crunchie or kitkatt: kitkat
myspace or facebook: facebook
flowers or chocolate? Flowers (L)_(L)
watch the news or historical teachings? news :)
hold hands or kiss? same time! :'D
white chocolate or dark? not to be racist.. but white

random:
what color are your shoes? what shoes
what was the last theme park youve been to? disneyland :P wait no i cant remember either i went to japan most recently or gold coast :S
name one thing you remember from history class: Gough Whitlam is gay :D
what mood are you in right now? (L)_(L) mood
who was the last person you IMed? victor dannggg
who was the last person added on your Facebook: THIS INDONESIA DUDES!!! WTF!!
who was the last person deleted on your Facebook: mark :D
who did you last hang out with? my mum (yes im cool)

Best: -lets go alphabetically :D
1. Male Friend: alvi bryan charles osmond
2. Female friend: ann ebony jenny joannie judy lisa lucy H/T nina
3. Vacation: japan or america :D
4. Memory: cant tell :)

Last:
1. Person you saw: mum
2. Talked to on the phone: manager :)
4. Messaged over MySpace: eric tan.. from like.. a year ago?
5. IM’d: i told you victor Zzz... oh now its calvin

Today:
1. What are you doing right now: smiling :)
2. Wearing? pjs (Y)
3. Better than yesterday? yehhh :)
4. Did you see the person you like? nope
5. What’s the weather? normal
6. What’s bothering you right now? workload
7.What is in your wallet? a lot of things :L
8. Wallpaper on your computer’s desktop? host brother/sister/cousin :)
9. Next time you will kiss someone? tomorrow? ;D HAHHAA im joking my mum/dad tomorrow :D
10. Where was your default picture taken? msn - oh my house ;D. facebook - science rm
11. Life: good :)
12. House: messy
13. Doing this weekend? going out to city (Y) then work.. then cram
14. Wearing? pjs.. told you already Zzzz...
15. If you could have one thing right now what would it be? :) <3
16. Listening to? car speeding
18. What do you smell like? like amy
19. Eating? saliva
20. On your bed, what is your favorite thing? my blanky xD
21. Do you believe in a soulmate? yehh :)
22. What do you wear to bed? nothing ;D
23. Do you remember your dreams? mostly
24. Do you burn easily in the sun? nah i dont burn... i... kind of just cook
26. What’s something you wish you could understand better? everythinggggg!
27. What did you do last weekend? work. work.
28. Who do you miss? a lot :)
29. Who is the last girl you hugged? my mum :L
30. Who is the last boy you hugged? uhmm... :S:S -shrugs-
31. Who was the last person you went somewhere with? errr... cant remember
33. Have you kissed anyone on your top friends? LOL! no
34. Last time you ate a home grown tomato? never?
36. What was the last thing you drank? Water
39. Do you like someone right now? :) ^^
40. What do you wear more, slacks, jeans, or sweatpants? jeans?
41. What is the last movie you watched? harry potter of course :)
42. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? water, milk, stuff :P
43. What are you excited about? 14 hours :)
44. Do you want someone you can’t have? yehs
45. Who was last to slap your butt? LOL karen or my mum
46. Where was the last place you went? downstairs to say goodnight etc
47. What’s on your mind right now? :$
48. Have you cried recently? yeh while reading givesmehope.com :S:S:S
49. If an unstoppable force comes across an immovable object, then what happens?... they break... isnt that obvious? =\

heres for moving on! :)

2009-10-14T22:48:00.004+11:00

okay yes i do for sure now :)
and im kind of glad
i feel like telling the world haha :$
tomorrow.. i cant wait :D
so sweet/saweeeet hehehe
.
in reference to my other blog entry...
NO I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH MY MANAGER
LMAO! yes you know who you are :P
i told him he is like my brother
the look on his face was priceless
it was like a =\ face
then a :DDD face
i was like yeh thats right
you have a little sister now
i told him to get me a christmas present
yeh coz thats just how i roll (H)
.

life is brilliant atm :)

Hmmm...

2009-10-12T23:18:00.002+11:00

There are voices in my head

(as cranch-dawg says "i can still hear voices")

telling me not to go down that path

because he isnt well... he isnt "my type"

i dont mean to label people but well

my type is...

well shy smart guys...?

kind of.. most of the time

well he is smart...

its just he is a lot of things that i hate in guys

i realised i really respect/admire my manager today =\

in a brother-sister way

it was weird

like really really weird

today i had this feeling that i missed him :S

like... the way i miss my family when im at camp or whatever

it really caught me off guard tbh :L

oh well... its pretty cool having awesome managers :)

its been a while

2009-10-12T16:20:00.003+11:00

gah.. oh no... i think im feeling it now
i thought it would come...
but i wasnt certain
but its for the good right?
to get over the past.
but arent you? and her? :S
i have no idea.
but it feels weird...
really really realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly weird
im not sure i do
but its the.. me always thinking about
whether i do or not
which has me a tad fooled
maybe? gosh i dont know
all i know is... i like being around you
but talking to you is boring sometimes
what the hell does that mean?
gah this is so fustrating :(
its been a while...

thanks nina :D again for this procastination :D

2009-10-11T01:15:00.002+11:00

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight?
yes i talked to no one on the phone :L

Ever had a near death experience?
yep

Where’s your cell phone?
both next to me :L

What is the last thing you thought about?
My manager... LOL NOT IN THAT WAY =\

Do you regret anything?
duh of course

If you found out you were pregnant who would you tell?
family :L

What are you going to do this weekend?
work. work. sleep. science. work

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
before :L

Do you prefer revenge or just pure jealousy/envy?
depends on situation? but not too much of either D:

Who would you like your next “fling” to be with?
jakey wakey! please! :L

Would you curse in front of your parents?
never

What kind of camera do you have?
phone camera

Would you rather go to a party or out of town?
town

Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
arent we all?

When was the last time you held someone’s hand?
my sisters hand? yesterday :L

Who can you tell everything to?
not many :P

Can you play guitar hero?
HELL NO LOL

Is any part of your body sore?
my feet! [me too nina]

Missing someone right now?
yep

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn’t be?
kind of

When was the last time you saw the person you last kissed?
my dad? :L an hour ago

Do you like your phone?
its alright

Last thing alcohol beverage?
last year? or this year? gosh too drunk too remember atm.. LOL! JOKES!! :L my parents let me sip their wine :P

Have you ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex?
LOL! my dad's

Have any of your best friends ever back stabbed you?
probably. you never know really xD but i guess you wouldnt call them best friends? but everyone makes mistakes? shrugs

If you had to move in with a friend, which one would you pick?
alvi? because of the flexibility? oh and the stash in the bank :L

What’s the seventh text message in your inbox say?
"GET A PHONE WITH ME =D" - joel :L

When is your next road trip?
hopefully soon :)

What did you do on the weekend?
work =="

Met anyone new in the past week?
nope

What do your bestfriends call you?
"amy"

Who was the last person to go to the movies with you?
errrmm.... gosh i cant remember? harry potter no.6 there was heaps of people :P

Are you currently fighting with someone?
nope

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
yesterday :P

Who'd you like to see right now?
Jakey Wakey :P

Are you mad at someone right now?
nope :)

What’s the nicest text in your inbox say?
"your face is cold" - joel
LOL! im joking :L
"are you wearing your new bra? or your new dress? i bet you look pretty either way" LOL! by none other ;)

Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone?
cells

Is there an empty place in your heart?
yeh little bubbles of oxygen :)

Do you count down the days till anything?
... LOL! always :)

Are you looking forward to something as of right now?
formal :)

Have you ever been called a tease?
errr.. sure? :P

What are your chances of getting with your crush?
what crush? :L '

What is the farthest you’ve traveled with a friend?
one metre!

Are any of your friends so close that you consider them family?
mhmm! :)

Anyone told you a secret this week?
no :(

Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
No :D

Do you hate anyone?
nah

Last time you wore the opposite sex’s clothing?
ages ago :L wore my bro's jump

What do you want in your life right now?
adventure

When was the last time you laughed so hard you thought you were going to cry?
friday :D or maybe just now when i say nina's response

Did you tell someone something today?
?

Do you trust people easily?
i guess :L

What were you doing at 9pm Friday night?
At work... :):D

(8) we're all in this together xD

2009-10-06T19:30:00.002+11:00

Awww... eels lost :(

but im proud of them either way :D

especially last week

so im not allowed to be upset with them xD

sucked in to those people who doubted the eels coming into the top 8 :)

sucked in to those people who didnt think we'd win against the dragons

when we lost to them the week before 37-0

but most of all... sucked in to those bulldogs fan :)

im going to join the gym!!

but just for the holidays

but im too pussy to call in to organise an induction D:

LOL! i dont like talking on the phone with someone ive never met

it scares me just a little :(

but i wanna do it!

oh btw.. im planing on losing at least 400 calories a day on DDR alone xD

HAHAHAHA

thats like... an hour and a half each day :L

but just for the holidays

BUT I NEED TO STUDY!

gah! why is life so hard to manage xD

need to go out places and spent my money which i havent touched for over a million years xDD

ive got almost 2,000 in my investment...

but only 100 in my bank hahahah xD

but i wanna buy a computer for christmas :)

yes for myself xD

but anyways... i still dont know how much i wanna spent on it :P

because ive got heaps of money but i dont know whether i wanna spurge on just one thing which took me so long to have enough money for. :P

anyways i best be off to watch harry potter 4th :)

ive got harry potter fever!!!

Things... are normal

2009-10-03T11:05:00.002+10:00

HERE COMES HOLIDAYS!! :D

im actually glad for it to be holidays...

im just so exhausted from school, from work, from everything :P

i should really study these holidays

but a part of me is telling me not to even bother

BUT I KNOW I SHOULD!!! D:

had a pretty awesome school day yesterday :):)

parttttyyyyy!!!

ive only been up for about an hour and it feels like a longggg time

weird.

anyhows, when i got to work... things were a bit ehh

jakey wakey wasnt working :'( HAHAH

well... the other one was in.. (yes 2 jakes :L )

and believe it or not...

I LOST MY WORK SHIRT =\

i brang it to school didnt i?

but when i got there.. it wasnt even in my bag D=

so i was like.. : OH NOOOO!! i have no shirt to wear

thankfully they had another one... phew :D

im going to keep it 8) HAHAHA

ahem.. :)

and i accidentally cut myself!

of course there is no better way to cut yourself than across the wrist =="

then i had to put a bandaid on it

and their bandaids are bright blue and really noticable

so there i was...

with a bright blue bandaid on my wrist, serving customers

and mind you, i got a lot of stares at my wrist :(

now everyone thinks im emo!!!! D:

i just watched a tv show about destroying this lantern

and the ending was sooo bad =="

the lantern had magic powers which would let you see into the future

and the way they destroyed it was by putting water on it

HOW GAY D=

footy match tomorrow!!!

i talk about footy so much now a days :'D

oh wells

Class has never felt this lame

2009-09-21T16:30:00.002+10:00

its those times in class when your the 3rd wheeler...

when no one else is third wheeling

so you're all alone and by yourself

by no means do you hate anyone

its just sometimes im moody

and get so annoyed at SOME people

and we end up staying away from each other for so long

but the worst part is that the people you sit with in class

just ADORE them.. like they are so fcking valuable object.

they are just guys...

GET

OVER

why is it that whenever i talk to someone

that you apparently liked before,

you just ALWAYS have to butt in

and talk about something in betweens yous.

he doesnt appreciate it either

but when im not talking to him,

you dont find the need to either

it makes me feel like YOU chose who i talk to

i get it how your "protective" or some shit

about "your guys" but come on...

we have nothing

we will NEVER have anything

and you wont give us ONE MINUTE to talk

because your the reason why we dont talk as much as we used to

i drifted away from him BECAUSE OF YOU

now a days..

im so annoyed at people

im sick of hearing all this crap

about how relationships arent equal and all this

how people take it too seriously,

and some dont... we are in year 10 for god's sakes

and another thing (yes i have a lot on my mind)

why do you always flirt with him?

he.is.not.yours.

i hate how chicks dont appreciate guys

not all chicks... just some

the way they talk about htem

it makes me feel sick just being a girl

she doesnt like you,

she only fancies you for now.

and your friends and i all know it

im scared for you...

i really am

i know she'll find something "better" sooner of later

and you'll probably feel like a fool...

but i sure hope you do

because thats exactly what you are.

i only ever talk about footy or work now a days

because thats all that's left in me...

because its the only thing that makes me happy

i mean... eels, they are bloody amazing

and work, they appreciate me

and they actually recognise me for who i am.

with that.. i love jake's little brother :)

when i find the time,

ill go and cry about everything

but i dont even have time

so i shall continue filling my bubble with hot air

10 bucks i'll burst at jeff/brendan/lucy at school!

when times were better than THIIISSS (8) xDD

2009-09-13T10:08:00.002+10:00

Week 8, Term 3.

its been damn long enough

i think its time to move on...

i dont know if im happy or not

i mean, i smile and everything

but it just... doesnt feel right?

im swallowed in self pity

and continuously captured by your smile

(yes i know how corny sounding)

I love it when my sister wears my old clothes

it kind of just... brings me to the past all over again

and its a nice feeling :)

im a better daughter now,

and ive tried hard for it

Someone told me that i was had a very strong emotional side

which really just confused me.. a lot

i always thought i did

but then you came along

and realy.. showed me my weakness all over again

DAMN YOU! i swear . hmph :P

Its weird that once i decided that ill be a better person

we drifted

what does that mean?

should i be a horrible person again?

i dont know :(

i worked till 12 yesterday.

it was tiring

but it was really really reallllyy fun :)

jake was on close shift with me ^^

you know the krush bar thing at kfc? :L

well there is chocolate syrup right

hahahah and we have a chocolate fight.. LMAO!!

dead set :D

but we had to clean it up really fast

so our manager didnt see xD

i know.. how rebel LMAO

and we had to wipe each other face's ;)

oh yeh.. we went there HAHAHA

Austin Robert Butler

google images!!

should do work now...

im too lazy and tired though -sniffle-

find a way back to your heart

2009-09-12T14:02:00.002+10:00

1;
thankyou for being excited that we would work together for longer :) it really made my night. oh and p.s. your making it easier for me. you really are...
.
2;
im sorry, but he really annoys me a lot :P
.
3;
i know that you'll never run away :) and i dont make a big deal about our friendship, i probably should. i really do cherish you as a friend
.
4;
please stop FORCING me to do something i dont want to do. its just _____
.
5;
i would, but you've got her name on you and im glad :D
.
6;
why do you ALWAYS have to bitch about me and my friends. it kind of does get a tad annoying after a while. what are we? friends? neutral? or enemies? YOU can make the decision... but stop saying we are friends and start bitching. ooft
.
7;
thanks for complimenting me last night :) it was a rush of fresh air
.
8;
we talked for the first time in ages!! it felt a nice warm bath at night :D
.
9;
she looks perfect for you. im sorry that i made such a fuss and being selfish. i hope your happy with her...
.
10;
your the sweetest person ever :) you said you missed me after just 5 minutes. best thing of today already
.
11;
i think im okay with being away from you now because i realise that no matter what, we will always be great friends... i mean sure, you might meet other people and then become closer to them than with me. but thats exactly what im doing and it really cant be helped
.
12;
please treat him right.
.
13;
shes not interesting in you.. shes just interested in boys. and with that, please dont fall too hard for her. for all our sakes
.
14;
i think you're an alright teacher, but no one ever gives you the chance
.
15;
thankyou for laughing with me when crancher put ( )( ) on the board xD
.
.
you know what?
im annoyed how guys always say
how much girls bitch
yeh i know they do
but nothing ever happens out of it
we make a few enemies
and then cry a bit
but in the end, everything is okay
we dont get violent
and it really PISSES ME OFF
how guys say how much they want to hurt someone else
for no reason at all
far out. get over it
not saying bitching is any better
but GOSH. go get a punching bag
and go for it.
you dont always have to make a big deal
or a scene out of everything.
i must say though...
guys typically do bitch more than girls

just before work quiz

2009-09-11T16:22:00.002+10:00

Your last received text, would you kiss them?
DUDE IT WAS A RANDOM NUMBER!!! dont even know who they are :L

How was last night overall?
cant remember :L

Who did you last ride in the car with?
family

Your sister tells you she's in jail, what do you say?
OOFT! -smacks-

Will you keep your last name when you get married?
nah :P

Would you rather go camping or to a nice hotel?
After year 8 camp, gotta say hotel :L

Do you give out second chances too easily?
not really

Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced?
no

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
No.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/ girlfriend smokes?
Yes. yuck

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
probably in a bad way xD

How many people do you trust fully?
many :P

When you're bored in class, what do you usually do?
nothing :L

Are you happy right now?
im alright

How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?
not too badly... but i wouldnt want one anyway

What are you listening to right now?
ABC kids

What did you have for breakfast?
milo cereal

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today?
Boy

Where did the shirt you are wearing come from?
Hurlstone's uniform shop :P

Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
cheating? oh in a history comp, yes :)

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
not even in 3 years :D

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
many

What were you doing last night?
ooft what do you think i was doing... well i dont know.. so can you please tell me :L

How do you feel about your hair right now?
yuck :)

Who are you dating?
SZ HAHAHHA im joking :'D

Where do you think your number one is right now?
number one...?

Are you texting anyone?
nah my phone is still in my bag :P

What were you doing at midnight last night?
asleep i think

So what do you want for your birthday?
SZ LOL!!! :'D

Have you ever kissed anyone named Jason?
... YUCK! my brother's name is jason..

Is it okay to like someone else when you have a boyfriend/ girlfriend?
Not in a billion of billions of years

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
not really.. im wrong quite a lot :P

When is the last time you had pizza?
cant remember :L

If you had the chance to have your face put on a quarter, would you?
YES =D

Yellow fingernail polish: yes or no?
hahah rotten fingernails :'D HAHAH no im joking.. yeh its okay :)

Who was the first person you talked to this morning?
Alvi

What do you hear?
asian

What'd you cry bout the last time you cried?
you :)

What kind of mood are you in?
in a holy crap.. work in 5 minutes and i havent gotten ready yet mood :P

Do you keep your distance?
lately, yes

but either way i cant breathe (8)

2009-08-31T20:49:00.002+10:00

OMG GUESS WHAT! :(
the night before last night...
i had these HUGE cramp feelings in my stomach =(
it hurt like hell
so what i did was went into parents room
and like... slept in my mums bed :)
HAHAHA WOOT!
havent done that in ... lets just say A WHILE
.
GUESS WHAT LOLOL!
the snuggie blankets arrived!! WOOOOOOOOO xDD
they are sooooo damn cuddly 8)
.
CANT WAIT TILL FRIDAY! =D
.
went to the dentist today!
got the bracket thingo replaced with a smaller one..
MY TOOTH SHRUNK! :L
.
AND EDWARD!!!
i blogged :)
now its your turn xD

stolen off quyen :)

2009-08-30T21:01:00.002+10:00

1. Are you younger than 19?
indeed i am

2. Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with a J?
LMAO! :L

3. How many bathing suits do you own?
uhmm.. none =\

4. Do you like someone?
who knows! :O

5. Are you in a relationship at this point in time?
no i am not

6. Have you ever eaten uncooked cookie?
all the time xD

7. Ever eaten soap?
yuck!... shampoo is much tastier

8. What are you listening to right now?
find a way - safetysuit

9. Is there a place you would like to visit?
my japanese host family :(

10. What is your favourite kind of dog?
a dead one.. HAHAHAHA!!

11. Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle?
knowing me, yes :(

12. Do you like winter?
yes a lot moer than summer xD

14. Are you in a band?
depends what you classify as a band :)

15. What are you scared of?
the mirror! LOL!

16. How long have you had your facebook for?
... 8) facebook! haha well ive had it since well..the beginning?

17. Favourite beverage?
OJ :)

18. If you could own a monkey, would you?
YES!!!!!!

19. Do you own anything from american eagle?
it has a long wing span xD

20. Do you listen to rap?
not really :L me and jake tried to make a rap song about me though? LMAO!

21. Do you like fruit?
sometimes :)

22. Do you have a nextel phone?
what the?

23. Have you ever given a random person your number?
ive given a random person A number :P

24. What song do you blast every time you hear it?
Eye of the tiger :'D

25. How clean is your room?
... err... i cant see the floor :L

26. What colour is your room?
purrpllleee

27. How’s the weather?
stormy without you.. HAHAH

28. What are you excited for?
friday (H)

29. Are you an artist?
not a good one :)

30. What are you doing right now?
thinking about stuff :D

31. How was your day?
it was better than average ^^

32. What did you just do?
went shopping with my mum!! it was AWESOME!

33. What did you do yesterday?
well i know.. last night i woke up due to indigestion/cramps in my stomach

34. How many pillows do you sleep with?
2 :)

35. Do you like smores?
quyen likes it.. so why not :D

36. Do you have any plans for today?
its 9:11pm.. cbb

37. Do you like hugs?
i do sometimes :P

38. Are you texting anybody right now?
nope :)

39. Best thing thats happened to you this week?
i went shopping with my mum!!! <3

40. Would you rather have 100000000 million dollars or find true love?
... ill take the money xDD HAHAH

41. What’s your most visited website...s?
facebook... easily

42. What’s something you really want at the moment?
happiness ;D

43. Do you live with your parents?
NO! ive ran away >=D ... okay yes i still do .. BUT GLADLY!! :) i love them

44. Do you have a job?
yep yep

45. Do you know who you’re going to marry?
jayrd hayne :)

46. What’s your favourite thing to buy?
technology stuff :) or eels jersey... im looking :P

47. What are you looking forward to in the next months?
... absolutely nothing :P

48. Who’s is the last person you talked to on the phone?
joely woely :)

49. How often do you cut your hair?
whenever im bored :P

50. Favourite TV show?
dont really have one anymore.. but how i met your mother (Y)

51. Do you miss someone right now?
of course :)

52. What's your favourite colour?
r-r-red

53. What is your current problem?
formal dates.. HAHA

54. What are you doing after this?
maybe sleep... etc.

you know what...? facebook is starting to bore me

2009-08-23T12:34:00.002+10:00

Im turning into the old me again..
i dont know if thats what i want though... :S
.
for now, i want to live in the shadows
and i dont really want to be seen anymore
i dont know why.. but i just want to keep to myself more
something i learnt from english lesson;;
when your depressed, you keep to yourself more
and become more quiet...
should i be worried? :(
i dont know what this feeling is really..
never really... felt it before
mix between confusion, fustration and sadness
dont really have anything to look forward to
(apart from eels vs. dragons game)
formal just seems like a fuss now
and you CANT blame it on the girls...
you SERIOUSLY CAN NOT
because thing is... all the guys tables are taking longer
its the guys who cant decide
Zzzzz... there isnt really that much bitching going on with the formal tables
and i guess... saying there is bitching is making it worse
BUT NO ONE IS EVEN BITCHING ffs
everyone is getting false ideas that its a lot worse than it actually is
and i know a post a few entries ago was complaining about it
but only because one person didnt know what they wanted to do
.
Formal Dates.... hmm...
for or against them.. your decision
but far out. dont say your against them when your going with someone
YES IM LOOKING AT YOU LOLOLOL!
i want to ask someone for the fun of asking someone
because its not serious
and year 10.. i mean.. psh it doesnt even matter
im just bored with my life and looking for excitment :(
i know ill have fun whether or not i actually have one
and i will spend the exact amount of time with my friends anyways
so it doesnt even matter that much i guess...
but because it doesnt matter... im saying why not?

wished on 11:11 for us all to be best friends again

2009-08-20T22:09:00.003+10:00

Wished i was worried about formal tables,

but i have other things on my mind...

Person One;

FINALLY, i stopped missing you.

Person Two;

zomg... i miss you like hell, still. you have no idea who you are either. oh and screw you. you keep pushing me away and you make me want to scream at you. i miss you :( i tell you all the time. you agree then walk away. it freaking hurts

Person Three;

do you think id ever have the chance...? Our convosations have become forced now... feels like you only talk to me because you feel like you have to... but you dont... :( i wish you wouldnt so it would be easier for me... but i dont want you to stop talking to me either... GAH i dont know what i want you to do.. but i know what i want you to feel.

Person Four;

you walked past me... i got butterflies... i wanted to slap myself.

Person Five;

if you "knew" all these things.. then why did you go for it? if you didnt want to hurt anyone... why did you ask... thats what im wondering

how do you know where to draw the line?

you know the first month period of when you first meet someone...

where its talking non-stop and into the night

where they are still a mystery...

well i dont want anyone new...

i miss having my classic techie friends

i seriously do... if i could do anything... it would be taking

some of them away from my life...

sounds so slack? and bitchy?

yeh probably... but i dont need them all anymore

i just want the close ones...

but they have kind of stepped out of my circle now

because we hard to find time

1. he is busy when im not. im busy when he is not... it gets hard but we understand each other because that what we do.

2. he is always busy. no matter what... whether it be studying for a science test, or watching something...

3. you are probably one of the only people who is almost aways able to talk to me... wait let me change that now...

4. things... they are.. i guess different... we are always on and off... things being off most of the time... you used to make me happy, not your just another thing to worry about

5. We dont talk EVER... but we had one convo where we said to each other that we missed each other... it was nice... but that was two months ago... we havent talked since

This is going to sound really bad..

but i dont have time for friends anymore

as in... too many friends

i should just stick to my foundation friends

and i would be a lot happier

... or maybe...

they dont have time for me anymore

so i'll just pretend that im too busy for them too

#330

2009-08-20T17:46:00.002+10:00

Copy and paste message to a new note. Erase my answers and fill in your answers. Tag your friends and don't forget to send it back to me. Remember, you can't use the same answer as the person who sent it to you. Remember, if my answers are dumb, it's because the person before me had the good ones

1. Name something you use in the shower?
-- Water

2. Name something a football player wears under his uniform?
-- skins

3. Name something people hate to find on their windshield?
--rocks

4. Name something a man might buy before a date?
-- flowers

5. What is another word for blemish?
-- ... pimples? :L

6. Something you cook in the microwave?
-- tv dinner

7. Name a piece of furniture people need help moving?
-- couch

8. Name a reason a younger man might like an older woman?
-- saggy boobs... LOL! jokes.. love :P

9. Name something a dog does that embarrasses its owner?
-- poo on lawn

10. Name a kind of test you cannot study for?
--cricket test :L

11. Name something a boy scout gets a badge for?
-- bird identifying xDD

12. Name a phrase with the word home in it
--home sweet home

13. Name a sport where players lose teeth?
--... hockey...? xDD

14. Name something a teacher can do to ruin a student's day?
-- yell at them

15. What is a way you can tell someone has been crying?
-- tears... LOL

16. Name a bird you wouldn't want to eat?
--eagle

17. Name something a person wears even if it has a hole in it?
-- scarf...?

18. Name something that gets smaller the more you use it?
--eraser

How damn annoying :(

2009-08-15T11:50:00.002+10:00

argh have to organise tables...
10 people on a table
shouldnt be so hard right?
well i guess it is... =="
some people dont want to be with another
but we have to include the "other"
and thsi is going to turn out into a big mess
we all know that some groups will end up fighting with each other
people aer going to get hurt
and all the rest of it :(
i wish tables were in sets of 6... sigh